Queens of a Feather

The core of any beautiful friendship derives from embracing differences and holding each other accountable, while uplifting your friend throughout the many struggles of life. Join Dela*Nique as they discuss life, sex, womanhood, relationships, motherhood, music, and Pop culture with a sprinkle of celebrity gossip in their new podcast called Queens of a Feather. To watch our episodes, search “Queens of a Feather” on YouTube! New episodes released on Thursdays, biweekly.

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Queens of a Feather

Episode 9: Good Old Boundaries

December 02, 2021 • Dela*Nique

In this episode we talk all things boundaries! What are your boundaries? Did you discuss boundaries with your partner before entering the relationship? If so, how far into the relationship did you discuss your boundaries? We also touch on sexual boundaries. Would you bend your boundaries for a luxury lifestyle?

Later in the episode, we also share some tips on what we wish we knew in our 20s.

We discuss all of this and so much more in our new episode of “Queens of a Feather” podcast available to watch on YouTube and listen on any major podcast platform.

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Transcript was autogenerated. Therefore some text may be incorrect.

00:00:03:06 - 00:00:07:17
Speaker 1
*Music*

00:00:10:06 - 00:00:17:03
Speaker 2
Mic, check, Mic, check 12, 12. We back, coming back, get to the stage.

00:00:17:28 - 00:00:21:18
Speaker 2
For the thrill we giving you chills. If you get a taste, we are so fantastic.

00:00:21:18 - 00:00:26:26
Speaker 3
Step back if you can't handle it. Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know what?

00:00:26:26 - 00:00:30:00
Speaker 2
In a song, those hey go hard. So hard.

00:00:34:05 - 00:00:36:20
Speaker 4
Not not so hard. Oh my.

00:00:36:20 - 00:00:42:25
Speaker 2
Goodness. Yeah, I guess I'm so. Oh my goodness. Come on, Rihanna, own it in. Want to alone?

00:00:43:09 - 00:00:43:26
Speaker 3
I may.

00:00:43:26 - 00:00:44:24
Speaker 2
Miss the.

00:00:45:02 - 00:00:48:21
Speaker 3
Look at this big bank bait, so meet me at the top.

00:00:48:21 - 00:00:51:09
Speaker 2
To the top. Get it down. How's your week?

00:00:51:14 - 00:00:51:28
Speaker 3
How is it?

00:00:52:06 - 00:01:08:24
Speaker 2
Was a great help. Was it good? Did you miss us? Oh, say yes. OK. Welcome back, everybody. We missed you guys. We always miss you guys. We do. When I'm alone, I just think about you guys can.

00:01:12:21 - 00:01:14:28
Speaker 4
She just realized the people on the.

00:01:15:19 - 00:01:17:27
Speaker 3
Internet know, she know we really do be thinking, though.

00:01:17:27 - 00:01:18:14
Speaker 2
No, yeah.

00:01:18:14 - 00:01:21:29
Speaker 3
We'd be like, Oh, we got to do this, we got to do that and we hope you like this and we hope you.

00:01:21:29 - 00:01:33:17
Speaker 2
Like that. one of the hardest things. Oh, I got to say the podcast with your friend is like a lot of the times. Sometimes you don't want to talk because you want to save it for the podcast. I know so many topics.

00:01:33:17 - 00:01:36:29
Speaker 2
I'm like, Oh, we should have waited and said that, you know, I know, I know.

00:01:36:29 - 00:01:46:18
Speaker 3
But but, you know, I feel as though we still have our relationship, though outside of we do. Because like when, when, when you come over, we'll be talking about a whole bunch of stuff.

00:01:46:18 - 00:01:47:23
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah. You know.

00:01:47:23 - 00:01:48:26
Speaker 3
Because we have our limits.

00:01:49:00 - 00:01:55:16
Speaker 2
Absolutely. Limits people, you know. You know what I mean? Yes. So on today's fabulous episode.

00:01:55:25 - 00:01:56:27
Speaker 3
Fabulous Darling.

00:01:56:27 - 00:02:05:06
Speaker 2
We are talking about boundaries. Good old boundaries. Now that is a pretty broad topic. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:02:05:16 - 00:02:11:13
Speaker 3
And it kind of came up because of the whole Danny and the baby thing. You know, I was reading.

00:02:11:21 - 00:02:13:09
Speaker 2
Instagram.

00:02:13:10 - 00:02:20:05
Speaker 3
And someone posted on, I think it went viral. Mm hmm. It says to my ladies, Tamala ladies.

00:02:20:13 - 00:02:25:00
Speaker 4
They didn't say that so easily.

00:02:25:03 - 00:02:40:16
Speaker 3
I think the best thing you can do is decide what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Okay. And be concrete in that. And once someone violates that, when someone violates.

00:02:40:16 - 00:02:40:26
Speaker 4
That.

00:02:42:20 - 00:02:54:11
Speaker 3
You move on. OK? They say they move up and out. That's what they say. OK, because if you don't, you get to the point where you're sacrificing yourself. Oh, isn't that a word that is?

00:02:54:11 - 00:02:57:05
Speaker 2
You know what? Wow. I agree with that.

00:02:57:18 - 00:03:05:01
Speaker 3
So we were like, you know, let's talk about boundaries because do we have any like, do you have boundaries? Is this something that you even thought about?

00:03:05:10 - 00:03:24:18
Speaker 2
It's not something that I really thought about. And you usually boundaries don't come up until they're met. And then I'm like, Yeah, that's a boundary form right there. OK, OK. But for me personally, one of my boundaries is the way that people.

00:03:25:18 - 00:03:39:26
Speaker 2
Speak to me. I think if it's very disrespectful, you've met a huge boundary. OK, I will shut it all the way down. Also like, stop talking to you or you know, I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind.

00:03:40:02 - 00:03:51:06
Speaker 3
But is this a boundary where you're like, I'm exiting the relationship? Or is this a boundary where I'm the talk? Stop talking to you for a couple of days and then you. Then you go to apologize and be like, You know.

00:03:51:06 - 00:03:53:07
Speaker 2
OK, I'm not going to apologize.

00:03:53:11 - 00:03:56:24
Speaker 3
I mean, then they would apologize. Yeah, and then you'll be like, OK.

00:03:57:01 - 00:04:08:25
Speaker 2
I don't know. See, that's a that's a thing. Can can can boundaries be forgiven if they're crossed? Some can. That's true. Some, some definitely can. Some you cannot come back from.

00:04:09:03 - 00:04:25:26
Speaker 3
But I for me. I think younger me would have been like, you talk to me crazy, you apologize. All right, you're back into my good graces, OK? Me today? Yeah. If you talk to me crazy, do you know who I am?

00:04:25:27 - 00:04:26:18
Speaker 2
Oh.

00:04:27:09 - 00:04:30:24
Speaker 3
I am a woman of God. I am a queen. Yeah.

00:04:31:11 - 00:04:33:04
Speaker 2
She's a queen. Thank you.

00:04:33:21 - 00:04:46:25
Speaker 3
Be careful how you come for me. Absolutely. Isn't that that Cardi B song? Be careful how you say Cardi B song. And I think that when she was going through that. Oh yes, she was like, Yes, how did that song go?

00:04:46:26 - 00:04:47:27
Speaker 2
Oh my goodness.

00:04:47:27 - 00:04:49:00
Speaker 3
My tip of my tongue?

00:04:49:00 - 00:04:49:22
Speaker 2
Yes.

00:04:49:24 - 00:04:56:14
Speaker 3
Basically, she was telling you, Be careful. Yeah, be careful how you come to me, how you talk to me. Right? Because that can.

00:04:56:14 - 00:04:58:01
Speaker 2
Be the end of you ever speaking to.

00:04:58:01 - 00:04:59:01
Speaker 3
Me ever again.

00:04:59:01 - 00:04:59:24
Speaker 2
How important is, you.

00:04:59:27 - 00:05:02:14
Speaker 3
Know, I am a queen and I'm not going to tolerate.

00:05:03:04 - 00:05:04:09
Speaker 2
That type of disrespect.

00:05:04:10 - 00:05:05:00
Speaker 3
Nothing. No.

00:05:05:20 - 00:05:09:03
Speaker 2
You better check yourself before you direct your sales.

00:05:10:27 - 00:05:12:27
Speaker 4
Whatever, whatever.

00:05:14:26 - 00:05:17:23
Speaker 3
It's true. So if you were from one spectrum.

00:05:18:03 - 00:05:21:08
Speaker 4
I know that.

00:05:22:02 - 00:05:31:15
Speaker 2
Whatever, so, so other boundaries, though, that I've come across is lying lying. Yes, like a.

00:05:31:22 - 00:05:34:23
Speaker 3
Younger me would be like, OK, it was just a little lie. He apologized.

00:05:35:03 - 00:05:35:28
Speaker 2
Oh no.

00:05:36:05 - 00:05:38:18
Speaker 3
The lies started. The Big Lie they do.

00:05:38:19 - 00:05:46:04
Speaker 2
They do. Lying is lying. Addiction. Oh yeah. Think about that.

00:05:46:06 - 00:05:52:04
Speaker 3
I think that that is definitely a boundary. Yeah, it depends on what you're addicted to. Maybe.

00:05:52:04 - 00:05:53:14
Speaker 2
I don't know. Yeah.

00:05:53:15 - 00:05:55:09
Speaker 3
Is it any addiction? Oh.

00:05:55:24 - 00:06:00:24
Speaker 2
It depends on how where you're going with it, like, oh, it depends on where you're going with it, what it is eventually.

00:06:01:05 - 00:06:02:18
Speaker 3
I'm addicted to the sweets.

00:06:03:02 - 00:06:04:04
Speaker 2
And I'm addicted to the.

00:06:04:04 - 00:06:08:15
Speaker 3
Music. OK. But technically, I'm addicted to sleep. I don't think you should break it off because of that.

00:06:08:25 - 00:06:09:04
Speaker 4
Yeah.

00:06:09:22 - 00:06:12:13
Speaker 2
Yeah, that would be messed up. Yeah. Like, know you like sweet?

00:06:12:14 - 00:06:15:26
Speaker 4
I know. Nah, nah.

00:06:16:12 - 00:06:23:15
Speaker 2
It's like, what? OK. OK, so that's not a good one. Violence. Any kind of violent act?

00:06:23:16 - 00:06:24:25
Speaker 3
Yeah, that's a huge boundary for me.

00:06:24:27 - 00:06:25:19
Speaker 2
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:06:25:21 - 00:06:27:22
Speaker 3
But again, when a younger self.

00:06:27:29 - 00:06:28:11
Speaker 2
Mm hmm.

00:06:28:12 - 00:06:44:19
Speaker 3
I said these things where boundaries, but I didn't exemplify them in the relationship, where if someone did something and I was gone. But I think based on what that person was saying to me. These are things that you should decide before entering a relationship.

00:06:45:11 - 00:07:03:26
Speaker 3
Yes. These are my boundaries. If they cross those boundaries, I'm out no matter what, no matter the explanation. OK. And that's what I think. What we talked about last episode's red flags. Yeah, and green flags. That's a little bit different because some of them, you might be like, OK, you can get by.

00:07:04:01 - 00:07:06:01
Speaker 3
I can get by some of those. But these are like.

00:07:06:01 - 00:07:06:27
Speaker 2
No, no, no, no, no.

00:07:06:28 - 00:07:15:00
Speaker 3
Once you cross that lane, I'm out. Yeah, I agree. I completely agree, yeah. So cheating for me.

00:07:15:05 - 00:07:18:23
Speaker 2
Too cheating, yeah, yes. Yeah, no, that's a boundary.

00:07:18:24 - 00:07:20:24
Speaker 3
The only up with someone else. Then come and play it with me.

00:07:20:25 - 00:07:25:13
Speaker 2
Oh my, what? Yeah. And some people, it's crazy because some people, that's not a boundary.

00:07:26:02 - 00:07:27:24
Speaker 3
Yeah, I know this for me now, though.

00:07:27:27 - 00:07:29:03
Speaker 2
It's it's interesting.

00:07:29:03 - 00:07:29:17
Speaker 4
To see.

00:07:29:29 - 00:07:36:27
Speaker 2
It's like it's my boundary. OK, it's interesting to see what people would tolerate, though.

00:07:37:14 - 00:07:53:18
Speaker 3
I think because some people just want to feel loved. Yeah. And they're willing to put up with so much because the feeling of love is just so amazing. Yeah, but love is not supposed to hurt. Isn't that what opposites love is not supposed to hurt?

00:07:53:21 - 00:08:00:19
Speaker 2
It shouldn't. No, it really shouldn't really tell them that it should hurt is if like you're giving birth and you know, that hurts. Stuff like that.

00:08:00:20 - 00:08:03:14
Speaker 3
OK. Yes. Better? Yes.

00:08:03:14 - 00:08:04:22
Speaker 2
But I love that.

00:08:04:22 - 00:08:08:14
Speaker 3
But yeah. Yes. Love. Love should not hurt. That's a healthy hurt.

00:08:08:18 - 00:08:09:07
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:08:09:08 - 00:08:10:14
Speaker 3
Giving birth is a healthy hurt.

00:08:10:25 - 00:08:13:12
Speaker 2
But having such thing as a healthy heart.

00:08:13:13 - 00:08:27:21
Speaker 3
There is a such thing that's interesting. Yeah. You know, because you know, someone gets sick and you're sad. That's a hurt that you feel. That's unhealthy. Hurt. Yeah, but putting your hands on someone, cheating on someone, belittling people, those are not healthy.

00:08:28:18 - 00:08:41:19
Speaker 3
Those are extremely unhealthy. And for me, there are boundaries. Yeah. And I have decided that next relationship that I am in, we're going to have that conversation before I say yes to being with you. Yeah. OK, well, we have to have that conversation.

00:08:41:19 - 00:08:46:20
Speaker 2
How how far end do you think you should have a conversation like that?

00:08:47:19 - 00:09:04:08
Speaker 3
OK? Everyone obviously is different. But for me, if we're heading towards a direction where you want to have a conversation with me, OK about being with me? Mm hmm. I am going to say, OK, if you want to take this to the next level, and obviously this is something that I would like to do as well.

00:09:04:21 - 00:09:22:27
Speaker 3
Here are my boundaries and I would like you to either tell me if you can agree or if you cannot agree because. Fast forward, we're in this relationship, and you have agreed to these boundaries, yes, if you go outside of these boundaries, then there's a lack of integrity.

00:09:23:11 - 00:09:38:11
Speaker 3
True in my eyes regarding you. Oh, because if we agree that these are not things that you're supposed to do and you go and you do these things, I'm looking at you like you are not a person that has integrity.

00:09:38:11 - 00:09:43:16
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have integrity at all. Mm hmm. So.

00:09:43:25 - 00:09:54:29
Speaker 2
Yeah, that's an interesting that's an interesting one, because I know that sometimes in the beginning of a relationship, everybody puts their their their best foot forward. Yeah.

00:09:54:29 - 00:09:55:15
Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah.

00:09:55:23 - 00:09:56:08
Speaker 2
You know.

00:09:56:14 - 00:09:57:16
Speaker 3
Rose colored glasses.

00:09:57:17 - 00:10:08:29
Speaker 2
Yeah. So Kelly Rowland, it's interesting to see to see if people really follow through with with with what they say that they're going to do or respect about you. You know, time will tell what those things.

00:10:09:06 - 00:10:13:04
Speaker 3
And that's why I think it's good to have those discussions early on.

00:10:13:15 - 00:10:13:28
Speaker 2
You know where you.

00:10:13:28 - 00:10:28:28
Speaker 3
Stand for me, I want a growing relationship. I want to see able to talk about any and everything. I want my word to hold true, and I want your word to hold true also. So we're going to have these conversations if you if you trying to, you know, settle down with me.

00:10:28:28 - 00:10:31:12
Speaker 3
Yes. Then we're going to have these conversations.

00:10:31:12 - 00:10:34:23
Speaker 2
Yeah, especially the sexual boundaries. Oh, that.

00:10:35:22 - 00:10:37:16
Speaker 3
That's something sexual about the thing.

00:10:37:19 - 00:10:38:01
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:10:38:14 - 00:10:39:20
Speaker 3
I don't know if you want to get into that.

00:10:40:24 - 00:10:41:19
Speaker 4
You have sex.

00:10:43:00 - 00:10:47:01
Speaker 2
What are your sex? What are your thoughts about?

00:10:47:01 - 00:10:47:18
Speaker 4
It seems like you.

00:10:47:18 - 00:11:01:11
Speaker 3
Turn it back on you. What are yours? I don't think I'm going to share my mouth about. Think about those things, though, right? I want you to think about those things. What are your sexual boundaries and have a conversation before you'll have a sex?

00:11:01:11 - 00:11:03:26
Speaker 3
Yes. Don't be like, don't have sex.

00:11:04:00 - 00:11:07:10
Speaker 2
You don't want to find a boundary in the middle of the act.

00:11:08:13 - 00:11:21:07
Speaker 4
No, you like that there? Rung, you rung, hope. Yeah. You know, you don't want to do that. Have those.

00:11:21:07 - 00:11:28:18
Speaker 3
Conversations before. Yeah, because you can't expect people to read your mind. Right. And they may be doing stuff that you know, people that they were with before they you're like.

00:11:28:18 - 00:11:30:09
Speaker 2
No, no, no, no, I don't do.

00:11:30:10 - 00:11:31:25
Speaker 3
I don't do those things. Yeah.

00:11:32:03 - 00:11:40:11
Speaker 4
Get it out of my face. You never know. You never know.

00:11:40:12 - 00:11:42:00
Speaker 2
You never know. You have to have these conversations.

00:11:43:19 - 00:11:46:16
Speaker 4
Yet so have them. Sorry.

00:11:46:23 - 00:11:58:28
Speaker 3
Oh no, that is a good point, because you may not want it there, but have those conversations before because you don't want to feel bad. You don't want to be feeling bad while you're doing.

00:11:59:00 - 00:12:00:13
Speaker 2
I know. And then you're.

00:12:00:13 - 00:12:05:07
Speaker 3
Like, I don't like this, but I never had the conversation with him that I don't like this. Yeah, that's not good.

00:12:05:09 - 00:12:06:26
Speaker 2
And then you're uncomfortable.

00:12:07:12 - 00:12:11:07
Speaker 3
And then you just feel, you know, as though you were violated. Probably.

00:12:11:16 - 00:12:15:07
Speaker 2
I'm sure that's happened many times, I'm sure. But now that I think about it.

00:12:15:13 - 00:12:16:12
Speaker 3
We don't talk about it.

00:12:16:20 - 00:12:17:18
Speaker 2
That's crazy.

00:12:18:02 - 00:12:18:29
Speaker 3
It's about all these things.

00:12:19:12 - 00:12:22:06
Speaker 2
Yeah, I don't even think I thought about stuff like that when I was young.

00:12:22:06 - 00:12:35:05
Speaker 3
I don't. I don't. I never did, either. I just allowed things to happen to me. Yeah. And now I'm like, I guess I've experienced maybe your boundaries? Probably. Mm hmm. Mature. Yes. All right.

00:12:35:05 - 00:12:45:01
Speaker 2
So yeah, it's important and set it off said it's not right now if if we have young listeners. Yeah. Take this advice, y'all. I'm telling you it will help you.

00:12:45:01 - 00:13:04:06
Speaker 3
Sit with yourself and ask, ask yourself, what am I willing to tolerate and what will I not tolerate? And write them down? Yeah. And speak to whomever you're trying to get to about these things. And if they're unable to provide those things, then just go to someone else.

00:13:05:14 - 00:13:15:00
Speaker 2
So I guess it depends on what specific boundary we're talking about, but what do you do if? If they're broken.

00:13:15:29 - 00:13:23:13
Speaker 3
So. Big girl mean, if the boundaries are broken, then is an exit.

00:13:23:13 - 00:13:31:15
Speaker 2
From for forever, for good, forever is done, is done, done. Have you ever had to do that like somebody up forever?

00:13:31:17 - 00:13:31:28
Speaker 3
Yup.

00:13:32:12 - 00:13:33:03
Speaker 2
Wow.

00:13:33:11 - 00:13:38:23
Speaker 3
I mean, you just have to. Yeah, I think because you especially if you've had the conversation before.

00:13:38:24 - 00:13:39:16
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

00:13:39:17 - 00:13:43:10
Speaker 3
We could be friends, OK? You know, once things kind of, you know.

00:13:43:11 - 00:13:44:02
Speaker 2
OK, yeah.

00:13:44:02 - 00:13:59:22
Speaker 3
Once the hurt, I guess subsides. But I have to make sure that I am good. And I think that I've been in situations where I pretended as though I was good after a boundary was crossed. OK? But it it, it ate me up inside.

00:14:00:01 - 00:14:09:19
Speaker 3
You know, I don't. I want to be healthy. Mm hmm. Like, this is my life. I have. I own my choices. I own who I'm with and I can be with someone else.

00:14:10:00 - 00:14:15:07
Speaker 2
I know, not that deep. That's another thing people forget. Like, there are so many fish in the sea.

00:14:15:08 - 00:14:16:07
Speaker 3
There are so many.

00:14:16:08 - 00:14:17:00
Speaker 2
There's a lot of them.

00:14:17:06 - 00:14:21:20
Speaker 3
And you know, you just have to just process and be positive and someone is going to.

00:14:22:14 - 00:14:24:02
Speaker 2
Become the right one.

00:14:24:02 - 00:14:29:19
Speaker 3
The right one. He'll process whatever is going on and then, you know, move on to the next after you field.

00:14:29:21 - 00:14:31:12
Speaker 2
Agree. I totally agree.

00:14:32:05 - 00:14:38:19
Speaker 3
Like, do you think Danny had, you know, the baby in there was a lot of boundaries crossed.

00:14:38:25 - 00:14:47:02
Speaker 2
I feel like she. In the moment I think you were we were seeing those boundaries getting crossed, we actually got to see it.

00:14:47:02 - 00:14:48:08
Speaker 3
I know we're just lucky.

00:14:48:14 - 00:15:01:04
Speaker 2
Which really sucky. You know, so if she goes back, that's going to look kind of crazy. And we talked about this with lots of space before. Same thing with Erica and Safari. You know, those there were there were boundaries.

00:15:01:04 - 00:15:03:16
Speaker 2
I felt, probably for Erica that she felt were crossed.

00:15:03:18 - 00:15:05:16
Speaker 3
Yeah. And they were married. Are they are married?

00:15:05:16 - 00:15:07:10
Speaker 2
Yeah, yeah. And she went back.

00:15:07:10 - 00:15:21:08
Speaker 3
And she went back. Yeah. And I wonder, do you think that when you've told someone that this is a boundary and they've crossed it and you exit and then you come back, do they look at you a little bit differently?

00:15:21:13 - 00:15:25:12
Speaker 3
Like, Oh, well, she said it was a boundary, but she still came back.

00:15:25:26 - 00:15:26:18
Speaker 2
Right? I guess I.

00:15:26:18 - 00:15:27:11
Speaker 3
Can do it again.

00:15:27:13 - 00:15:27:28
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:15:28:06 - 00:15:43:22
Speaker 3
That's how I feel. It's look that really. I think so until unless unless that person really shores lake immense growth. Mm hmm. You know, like, tell me the steps that it took you to get to where you're at if you really have grown, OK?

00:15:43:23 - 00:15:49:21
Speaker 3
Because I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive people, but I just think that there's just certain things and I'm like, Oh. True.

00:15:50:07 - 00:15:59:26
Speaker 2
That's true. Would you break certain boundaries for a luxurious lifestyle? Like if did they yeah, like did.

00:16:00:05 - 00:16:02:17
Speaker 3
Did it can be like, oh yes, whoop you up.

00:16:02:22 - 00:16:03:18
Speaker 2
What are you going to do?

00:16:04:13 - 00:16:15:20
Speaker 4
I don't know, man. She said. What about? Well, um, how luxurious it was. I think so. I could cry on a yacht.

00:16:18:09 - 00:16:19:27
Speaker 3
No, I don't know.

00:16:19:27 - 00:16:21:05
Speaker 2
No. Yeah, OK.

00:16:21:06 - 00:16:31:15
Speaker 3
I mean, there's I don't think that there's any type of money in the world. I don't want someone to be. I don't want someone to be cheating on me and stuff. And then I'm like, Yeah, cheat on me just because I.

00:16:31:21 - 00:16:32:14
Speaker 3
Because they have money.

00:16:32:14 - 00:16:46:20
Speaker 2
It's if you were to say yes. So that answer, my answer is no. What I what? I give that up for a luxurious lifestyle. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But those who are saying, yes, you know, telling you like, you're not worth the things that you don't see things on the inside that'll eat away at you.

00:16:46:27 - 00:16:58:07
Speaker 2
You have millionaires and billionaires. Yeah, who you know are on how to take their lives and all kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, that have all kind of luxurious things is true. So don't be fooled, but I am.

00:16:58:07 - 00:16:59:12
Speaker 3
I am thinking about it, though.

00:17:01:10 - 00:17:06:13
Speaker 4
It's just that. Wait, wait. No, but you're right. You're right. Yeah, yeah. No, it's.

00:17:06:13 - 00:17:16:09
Speaker 2
True. And stuff like that is hard. It's called temptation. So that's called. OK. Yes. Because who doesn't want to be sorry? You remember that song.

00:17:16:16 - 00:17:18:10
Speaker 3
Inside your clutch? Hey, that.

00:17:19:04 - 00:17:22:24
Speaker 4
Doesn't look well. But yeah, so so.

00:17:23:19 - 00:17:27:13
Speaker 2
So you got to be careful with that one. Yeah, those that can be tricky.

00:17:27:14 - 00:17:30:26
Speaker 3
But I feel like that could have been what maybe what Tatum name of the Danny and the baby.

00:17:30:27 - 00:17:33:01
Speaker 2
What the oh yes, security.

00:17:33:02 - 00:17:34:13
Speaker 3
Yeah, having money. Yeah.

00:17:34:15 - 00:17:39:11
Speaker 2
And you know, the lifestyle people know you. You're famous, you got some fame. People do crazy things for fame too, you know?

00:17:39:16 - 00:17:58:03
Speaker 3
Was it? I don't know the full story, so please forgive me. Wasn't she like, kind of like talking about his other baby mothers or something or other people that he was with? People don't do that. Nah, some women beginning with these men and they think that they're going to treat them differently.

00:17:59:05 - 00:18:03:29
Speaker 3
Like, they're not going to treat you the same way that they treated other people. Yeah, bugle usually.

00:18:03:29 - 00:18:04:15
Speaker 2
A pattern.

00:18:04:15 - 00:18:07:01
Speaker 3
It's a pattern. Don't think you're better than anyone.

00:18:07:02 - 00:18:07:21
Speaker 2
Follow it.

00:18:08:02 - 00:18:22:23
Speaker 3
Never better than anyone. That's just them. You can be replaced with another girl. You don't do the same thing, you know. So don't ever think that you have some much of a hold on someone? Yeah, that they're going to treat you so amazingly.

00:18:22:27 - 00:18:34:27
Speaker 3
And they just treated other discarded and used other people. It's going to happen to you, too. I kind of had that those feelings. Personally, yeah, OK. Because I was like, Oh, I wonder why he treated this person this way?

00:18:34:28 - 00:18:35:10
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:18:35:14 - 00:18:37:08
Speaker 3
You know, I guess he must really love me.

00:18:37:08 - 00:18:38:26
Speaker 2
Mean, you know more? Yeah.

00:18:39:08 - 00:18:40:20
Speaker 3
It's just so just them.

00:18:40:21 - 00:18:54:19
Speaker 2
Also, though, I think for the baby he has his one of his baby mamas. I don't know how I think only has one other one. But anyways. OK. She was kind of like not laughing at Danny, but she was kind of like.

00:18:55:00 - 00:18:56:01
Speaker 3
You know, I told you so.

00:18:56:01 - 00:19:05:24
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, not not even more of an I told you so, but like, you know, like, he's this is where he belongs, like you guy who wasn't going to like, leave this like that, you know? Oh, I don't know.

00:19:05:24 - 00:19:12:05
Speaker 2
She's trying to. Oh, I see, and I'm just kind of like, who wants that anyway? We both know all of you guys should be done with that. Yeah.

00:19:12:08 - 00:19:12:23
Speaker 3
Be done.

00:19:12:29 - 00:19:17:04
Speaker 2
No, because he's just not distancing like a really, really genuine person.

00:19:17:19 - 00:19:20:05
Speaker 3
He I mean, yeah, I understand that. It seems like a.

00:19:20:05 - 00:19:27:20
Speaker 2
Good dad when he's with his babies. Minus the last time he was with, you know, newest.

00:19:27:20 - 00:19:39:03
Speaker 3
And I'm sorry, but I kind of I don't. I don't I. I can't separate it. Yeah, some people can separate. Oh, well, you know, they don't treat the mom good, but they're great, dad. It's hard for me to separate it.

00:19:39:09 - 00:19:54:18
Speaker 2
I was just watching an episode of Mob Wives because I love mob wives. So much weaponry. And and there was an episode where Rene was talking to Drea, and Carla was there, too. And they're all sitting around this table.

00:19:54:18 - 00:20:07:04
Speaker 2
And I think that Drea was debating on getting back with Lee. What's his, her, her husband? And I think it's time she just found out that he was unfaithful and and she was like, You know, I'm thinking about it.

00:20:07:10 - 00:20:21:02
Speaker 2
And Rene chimes in and she's like, Well, how good of a man are you if you treat the mother? Hmm, wrong? Like, how good of a father are you if you can't even like? Be good to the mom, if.

00:20:21:14 - 00:20:29:28
Speaker 3
The mother, it's hard for me to separate it. I can't because I just to me that the child came from the mother.

00:20:30:01 - 00:20:30:07
Speaker 2
Hmm.

00:20:30:14 - 00:20:47:15
Speaker 3
Right. And if you're going to treat the mother poorly, I don't really see how you expect. I don't I can't expect you to be a great father. It's hard for me to separate it. Yeah, it really is. You know, because most of the times the children live with the mother.

00:20:47:16 - 00:21:00:05
Speaker 3
Yes. If you treat the mother badly, that bleeds over, it does. You know, I don't know how you expect someone to parent appropriately when their mental state is impacted. Oh, I know. So I don't know if the baby's a good that sharp maybe.

00:21:00:12 - 00:21:05:29
Speaker 3
But from what I saw, there was nothing good about the behavior that he exemplified at all.

00:21:06:04 - 00:21:13:01
Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, it's right. No. Yeah, I've seen a few videos of him and his one of his daughters.

00:21:13:15 - 00:21:19:11
Speaker 3
And also people post what you want to see. They do. People post their best moments.

00:21:19:12 - 00:21:20:01
Speaker 2
They do.

00:21:21:01 - 00:21:24:08
Speaker 3
I want to know what you really, really doing when the cameras.

00:21:24:13 - 00:21:25:16
Speaker 2
Are not rolling.

00:21:25:18 - 00:21:28:03
Speaker 3
Yeah, whatever is done in the dark always comes too late.

00:21:28:04 - 00:21:28:20
Speaker 2
That's true.

00:21:28:20 - 00:21:29:24
Speaker 3
Firm believer of that.

00:21:29:26 - 00:21:41:18
Speaker 2
And a lot of people do like to, like, flaunt it with their kids like, Oh, I'm done, I'm the best, you know, look like all of a sudden you get them for the weekend and you're posting like 50 things like, you have them all of the time, you know?

00:21:42:08 - 00:21:43:20
Speaker 2
Not necessarily true. Nope.

00:21:43:20 - 00:21:44:08
Speaker 3
Nope, I agree.

00:21:44:08 - 00:21:48:10
Speaker 2
You do have to be careful with that, actually. Now you're right. I know you were totally right. Hmm.

00:21:48:12 - 00:21:49:23
Speaker 3
What I wish I knew.

00:21:49:23 - 00:21:53:15
Speaker 2
In my twenties when I was younger, what I wish I knew. OK.

00:21:53:19 - 00:21:54:11
Speaker 3
Yeah. Because we're not.

00:21:54:11 - 00:21:56:16
Speaker 2
Far off, right? We're not. We're like.

00:21:56:16 - 00:21:57:12
Speaker 3
20 yesterday.

00:21:57:16 - 00:22:02:01
Speaker 2
I know. Oh, judge me. Yeah. Like the Spice Girls.

00:22:02:02 - 00:22:04:02
Speaker 4
So you don't know how old I am.

00:22:05:13 - 00:22:29:25
Speaker 2
So one of mine was I wish that I was more aware of. The company that I kept, oh, and I wish I was more selective with my friends. Wow. Yeah. Because because, you know, back then I felt like, Oh, we're all friends, you're my friend, you're my friend, you're my friend.

00:22:30:05 - 00:22:38:24
Speaker 2
And now it's like, Oh, I got like four and I'm good. Yeah. My circle is very small. Yeah. And I really like it that way. It's quality over quantity.

00:22:38:25 - 00:22:39:13
Speaker 3
OK?

00:22:39:14 - 00:22:39:29
Speaker 2
You know.

00:22:39:29 - 00:22:51:14
Speaker 3
I love that. Yeah, I feel as though that I learned that, too. Mm hmm. And I'm very gullible. Mm hmm. When I was younger and everyone was like, Yeah, you're my friend. Yeah, you're my friend. I was like, Yeah, you're my best.

00:22:51:26 - 00:22:52:08
Speaker 2
Best friend.

00:22:52:15 - 00:22:56:22
Speaker 3
But now I have, as you said, very, very super small circle. And I love it.

00:22:56:22 - 00:23:09:09
Speaker 2
Yeah. Being selective is a great trait. Yeah. Try to be selective with everything that you do. And it really helps. Yeah. And it helps weed out anyone that doesn't need to be there.

00:23:09:12 - 00:23:09:25
Speaker 3
Crazy.

00:23:09:25 - 00:23:21:16
Speaker 2
Yeah. Being more aware of how people do things, just paying attention, how people treat other people, you know, back then I would just kind of like, get it over all that kind of stuff. These days, I pay more attention.

00:23:21:17 - 00:23:32:04
Speaker 3
I agree. Yeah, I agree. I think well, to tie on to that, something that I wish I knew in my twenties was to call out people on their bullshit.

00:23:32:23 - 00:23:33:13
Speaker 4
Hmm.

00:23:33:16 - 00:23:47:00
Speaker 3
When someone treated me badly, I before I would tend to suppress it and be like, Oh, you know, maybe they had a bad day, you know? But no, that's just how they are. Yeah, that's just how they are.

00:23:47:01 - 00:23:53:09
Speaker 3
And, you know, call him out and say, Hey, that's not OK. It's not good to treat me.

00:23:53:09 - 00:23:54:22
Speaker 2
Like, Yeah. Speak up.

00:23:54:23 - 00:24:12:03
Speaker 3
Yeah, that's what I what I that's what I wish I knew in my twenties that to speak up more and to not hide behind, you know, like the hurt that someone has, you know, that's not hide behind the hurt that I have felt, but actually voice that hurts.

00:24:12:06 - 00:24:26:07
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah, I think that just talking about like, just would tell me when we first started singing, you know? Yeah, I feel like we wanted to like, please everyone, you know? Sure. A lot of the time. Yeah. And you know, when you're so young, you don't want to say the wrong thing.

00:24:26:07 - 00:24:39:11
Speaker 2
You don't want to do the wrong things. You kind of just go with stuff. And you know, for any, any musicians out there, it's important that you know that you should always speak up, speak your mind, say what you need to say.

00:24:39:12 - 00:24:54:11
Speaker 2
Say how you're really feeling about any situation right now, really. And you don't have to be mean about it. You don't have to be just just speak up. Communicate. Yes, more. Don't always show to people, please. You know, that's on all across all boards, you know?

00:24:54:12 - 00:24:58:09
Speaker 2
Yeah, I know what it feels like to want to just please everyone, you know, you know.

00:24:58:11 - 00:24:59:21
Speaker 3
You end up hurting yourself.

00:24:59:22 - 00:25:00:13
Speaker 2
You do.

00:25:00:19 - 00:25:02:24
Speaker 3
Because you're not doing things that sit good with you.

00:25:02:24 - 00:25:12:19
Speaker 2
Yeah, that'll backfire for sure. It'll definitely backfire. Yeah. one more of mine. Yes. Enjoy being single. Mm hmm. Yeah.

00:25:12:28 - 00:25:14:12
Speaker 3
That's something I should have learned to.

00:25:14:14 - 00:25:26:09
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Because once you find the person that you're going to be with. You know, I don't think you realize that that is going to be like, that's supposed to be like your forever. You know what I mean?

00:25:26:15 - 00:25:42:14
Speaker 2
And if it is, you're never going to be single again. It's true. You enjoy that. Really, just enjoy coming home to no one, but you or your pet, you know? Yeah, those moments I remember when I first got my apartment.

00:25:42:26 - 00:25:49:18
Speaker 2
Looking back now, like I just it was such happy memories for me. You know, like, you know, I loved it. I loved.

00:25:49:18 - 00:25:51:25
Speaker 3
It. Mm hmm. Even like late teens.

00:25:51:26 - 00:25:52:26
Speaker 2
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00:25:53:06 - 00:25:55:01
Speaker 3
Like, it's not a place to have a man.

00:25:55:07 - 00:25:56:11
Speaker 2
Yeah, you don't. Yeah.

00:25:56:21 - 00:26:07:01
Speaker 3
Yeah. And I feel as though like when we are older, not older, when we are younger, I don't know why some of us feel as though it's like a place to be in a relationship or like.

00:26:07:02 - 00:26:07:10
Speaker 2
Right?

00:26:07:17 - 00:26:29:07
Speaker 3
Like, Oh yeah, I got a man. Or, you know, I wish I had just allowed myself to be single and allowed myself to learn myself. Because once you introduce someone else, you know in the situation and you're not fully like, good, yeah, and you're not fully grounded, then it just becomes super complicated because you just don't even

00:26:29:07 - 00:26:32:16
Speaker 3
really know yourself. And now I got to learn someone else, and I'm still learning me.

00:26:32:16 - 00:26:49:13
Speaker 2
I know. Yeah, I know. I know. Hone in on the things that you love. Mm hmm. Don't brush them off. Pay attention to those things. And it could be anything, you know, I think that we tuned into the music early and we've always held on to that.

00:26:49:13 - 00:27:01:11
Speaker 2
We were lucky with that. Like, we knew it. And we, you know, rip, that really tight. Yeah, you know, if you're kind of good, if you're good at something. Learn more about it. You know, try to try to really hone in on the things that you're good at.

00:27:01:12 - 00:27:02:10
Speaker 2
Because why not?

00:27:02:11 - 00:27:04:03
Speaker 3
And do the things that you love to do?

00:27:04:08 - 00:27:19:13
Speaker 2
Yeah. You know, I was I traveled more. Yes, I was. You travel more. That's always fun. Yeah. But I feel like now that we're just a little bit older like that, it's traveling is as a lifetime type of it is fun experience.

00:27:19:13 - 00:27:21:00
Speaker 3
Yeah, yeah. You can do that forever.

00:27:21:01 - 00:27:30:28
Speaker 2
You can do that forever, huh? Mm hmm. That's a good one. Is coming to you. Was Delanie Travel, a travel series? Yeah, we're going to travel the world. We're going to take you with.

00:27:30:28 - 00:27:34:25
Speaker 4
Us one day. OK, yeah, speak that into existence.

00:27:34:25 - 00:27:38:10
Speaker 2
What we're going to be doing a podcast with with beautiful.

00:27:38:21 - 00:27:40:14
Speaker 3
Beautiful water, blue water.

00:27:40:15 - 00:27:53:04
Speaker 2
Yeah. Find us, you know, or like in a city and you can see like the city lights or something, you know, like a gown or something like that. And I tell you, OK, yeah, I wish I spoke more things into existence in my twenties.

00:27:53:05 - 00:27:57:16
Speaker 3
That's another one. That's another one. Yeah, yeah. And follow your dreams.

00:27:57:16 - 00:27:58:03
Speaker 2
Yeah, I.

00:27:58:03 - 00:28:00:11
Speaker 3
Think that that will be another one for me, too.

00:28:00:20 - 00:28:01:03
Speaker 2
We are.

00:28:01:24 - 00:28:11:10
Speaker 4
Get this, you know, the jam. Play with me. Yeah.

00:28:12:12 - 00:28:23:03
Speaker 3
I guess for me, knowing my worth was something that I wish I had learned. I knew it, but it was almost that I didn't. I didn't hold people accountable for treating me also.

00:28:23:10 - 00:28:23:14
Speaker 4
Hmm.

00:28:24:07 - 00:28:38:03
Speaker 3
Well, OK. It's like I felt as though I had to prove myself. So people, you know, they could treat me well. Yeah, and no, I feel as though I do so much for whomever I was with our friendships, friendships.

00:28:38:06 - 00:28:50:00
Speaker 3
I shouldn't have to force you to treat me good. Absolutely. Explaining how you want to be treated to someone. I'm not doing that. And that's what I used to do in my twenties. Yeah, I am no longer doing that.

00:28:50:01 - 00:28:51:10
Speaker 2
You don't get the explanation.

00:28:51:10 - 00:28:53:13
Speaker 3
No, why am I going to explain to you how to treat me.

00:28:53:19 - 00:28:55:00
Speaker 2
Better respected at the door?

00:28:55:01 - 00:28:55:23
Speaker 3
Exactly.

00:28:55:24 - 00:29:02:20
Speaker 2
I'm not gonna leave the door open. I'm not Bruno Mars. OK, no. Or Anderson? I'm not that.

00:29:02:20 - 00:29:06:23
Speaker 3
No. I will close it on your face. OK, so you're not leaving the door open?

00:29:06:24 - 00:29:20:19
Speaker 2
No, we're not. And I do love that song. I do put up Bruno. What? I'm Anderson. But yeah, you know, I mean, there's there's when you're young, I know that you're just thinking like, I'm here to have a good time.

00:29:20:21 - 00:29:31:13
Speaker 2
Yeah, you know, and you don't really think about I didn't think about the future as much as I should have, I think. Mm hmm. You know, I'm in a good place. We're in a great place now, luckily, you know?

00:29:31:13 - 00:29:48:01
Speaker 2
Yeah. But looking back then, like, I wish I would have given just a little more thought of like where I really wanted to be later. For sure. You know, yeah. And really taken those steps to to get there, whether it's, you know, with your job or with school or it's anything like that.

00:29:48:22 - 00:30:08:05
Speaker 3
I think another thing I learned in my twenties was given people things and doing things for people. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are guaranteed to be good to me. Yes. That's right. Yeah, that's another that that was a harsh lesson for me, boy.

00:30:09:10 - 00:30:21:07
Speaker 3
Harsh lesson because I'm assuming that we on the same page, you know, right? I'ma help you out like you scratch my back. I scratch your back. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm a help you all. And I'm assuming that the loyalty goes both ways.

00:30:21:23 - 00:30:40:08
Speaker 3
But that's what is part of having conversations. Sometimes loyalty doesn't go both ways, and sometimes you're doing these great things for people who are just undeserving. Yeah. And when you realize that someone is undeserving, you take your Kit-Kat elsewhere.

00:30:40:09 - 00:30:44:06
Speaker 2
Just put the book by you keep it moving. You keep it all the way to school.

00:30:44:06 - 00:30:44:26
Speaker 3
Kitty Cat.

00:30:44:26 - 00:30:45:10
Speaker 2
Yeah.

00:30:45:23 - 00:30:51:27
Speaker 3
And when I say Kitty Cat, I'm just mean that. I just mean, like, just a luxury of you. Take it somewhere else.

00:30:52:15 - 00:30:58:01
Speaker 2
Absolutely. Absolutely. Mm hmm. So folks, tell us some of your boundaries, too.

00:30:58:01 - 00:30:58:14
Speaker 3
And tell.

00:30:58:14 - 00:30:59:23
Speaker 2
Us some of the things that you wish, you.

00:30:59:23 - 00:31:00:12
Speaker 3
Know.

00:31:00:17 - 00:31:06:21
Speaker 2
Because I'm interested to know what other people would have to say with that. Yeah, that type of advice.

00:31:06:22 - 00:31:11:12
Speaker 3
Be yourself more, you know? So that's a good one to be yourself.

00:31:12:09 - 00:31:15:23
Speaker 2
Save as far as money go. You say.

00:31:15:23 - 00:31:16:16
Speaker 3
Financially.

00:31:16:17 - 00:31:23:23
Speaker 2
Financially, you know what I mean? There's no reason why you shouldn't be, you know, at least saving a little bit of something.

00:31:23:29 - 00:31:25:13
Speaker 3
And make sure your credit is good, you know.

00:31:25:26 - 00:31:29:02
Speaker 2
And if it's not, work on it, work on it. Work on it.

00:31:29:17 - 00:31:40:00
Speaker 3
OK, so follow us on Queens of a Feather Dot podcast. Do it! Go on YouTube. Watch US Queens of a Feather Duet. You can also go on our website Queens Queenscliff dot com, and you can find all types of stuff.

00:31:40:12 - 00:31:42:17
Speaker 3
OK, bye bye.

00:31:42:26 - 00:31:44:08
Speaker 4
You get it to.

00:31:44:08 - 00:31:55:26
Speaker 1
Get it under the interest. You to get it done means get a ticket. Let's get a ticket.

00:31:56:01 - 00:32:00:13
Speaker 4
To the to follow this trend, and I know that it's so easy.

00:32:00:14 - 00:32:05:26
Speaker 1
To cheat. If you say this was so fantastic, step back and you can go ahead and play the game because.

00:32:05:26 - 00:32:06:17
Speaker 2
It's on a plane.

00:32:06:17 - 00:32:08:21
Speaker 1
But when the person when the brain is easy to maintain.