Episode 3: Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater!

In this episode, we chit-chat about compatibility amongst friends and lovers. Do you know your love language and attachment style? We guessed each other’s attachment styles and top two love languages. 

We also discuss cheating. Have you ever been cheated on? What happened when you caught your partner cheating? What are the effects of cheating? Have you ever heard of a cheating “success story?” Have one of the Queens ever cheated before?

We discuss all of this and so much more in our new episode of “Queens of a Feather” podcast available on YouTube and any major podcast platform. 

Visit our Instagram: 
https://instagram.com/queensofafeather.podcast

Link to all of our content and social media pages: 
https://linktr.ee/queensofafeather

Love Language Quiz: 
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Attachment Styles Quiz: 
https://www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/

We encourage you to learn so much more about your beautiful selves and how you show up in relationships by taking these quizzes. 

Transcript

This transcription was auto transcribed. Some text may be incorrect. 

*Music*

Welcome to Queens of Feather podcast coming to you today on this fine, fine afternoon.

Yes, it's probably morning, noon or night in right time.

Well, welcome. All right. Morning, noon and night. Morning, noon and night Hey.

Welcome to Queens of the Feather podcast, Mic. Check mic check one.two. one toe. What you gonna do. All right.

Well, let's just get into it.

Let's get into it. We have a packed agenda. Yeah, today.

And first, we're going to talk about like compatibility.

Oh, that's a thing.

It is a thing for friendships and also for.

Yeah, romantic relationships.

Any platform really will work. Yeah, I'll start to think like that's that's yeah, that's very true.

Yeah, no platform. Yeah, you're right. So, you know, I remember earlier this year I went to an astrologer was a long session, maybe like an hour and 30 minutes.

Wow.

Yeah. And it was very cool. She was telling me, like the type of man that will rock my world.

Wow.

She didn't use those words, does she?

That's how I took it.

OK, well, yeah.

Yeah, that's how I took it. And she was saying that I need a man. I'm an Ariesso I'm a Firesign. So she said, I'm actually more compatible with fire science. Yes. And I need a man that's not fake confident, but actually is a real confident that is confident from the gut.

Wow.

OK, not like out here pretending to be confident, but not really.

We don't need pretenders.

And confident, but not cocky.

Hmm. Is the line sometimes, yes.

She gave me a bunch of birthdates that actually would work with me. Yeah. And one of the birthdays was yours.

Wow.

I'm a Leo.

So you're saying.

Yeah, August 13.

Yeah. And your birthday was one. So that's probably why we have so much chemistry as friends.

That is insane, though, that she I you. I know. That's insane.

Insane. She gave me a bunch and I have no written down. But when she told you that, did you scream?

No. But I was like, That's why. That's why we're.

Like, you know, we got to get it like, but.

She, Oh my god, we were seeing that for the longest.

We got to get it right, but it's true. You know, if you're but you don't go together, something's wrong.

If you're know in parallel.

With the other cheek, then I don't know what to.

Say. If it doesn't.

Close, something is wrong. If it doesn't close.

He got too close. No child. I mean.

Well, you know, we started off.

Was like, Wait, but it's still going to close.

I don't even.

Know clothes and something. Something's wrong, but yeah, we go together.

But yes, so.

We've been saying that for literally.

Forever. Movies are saying, I said, at what point in the book, Oh my god, what? What in the book you want to do it in? My head was like, Oh okay, I didn't know you were going to go do that in the book, but OK, I can give you what you need.

All I want is a big fat, so you give it to me if you please give it to me, if a lesson. What?

We have to play that again, like.

I want to find him an internet sensation.

And those of you who don't know, I'm sure if you heard that without hearing the song, you'd be like, What is I'm telling you? It was. It was a bop, though.

It was about. And now I'm thinking about as my day can't ever.

Oh my god, I love that song.

All around the same time.

You know what? Yeah, all around sings. I'm sorry, guys, my ears.

For some reason is crazy up in here. That's right, you. You know, I'm just trying to think I'm going to put some here. Cushion it.

Yeah. Hair can cushion it. And that's what it's for.

But yeah, yeah. So we got to get it right. But yeah.

Basically.

I said, well, what in the.

That's why we're compatible. We are companies, friends.

Yes, we are compatible.

Yeah.

So this one here has me doing all of these.

Quizzes about the person now you have to know yourself.

Yeah.

So we did a love language one.

Yes, she and me do a little love language one.

And we can kind of yeah, and we can touch on what the love languages are. And then I want to guess yours because I think I know what it is.

That's insane. But you can get sane.

And.

Say.

Oh, that's our song.

I'm insane.

Oh, that's an old song and singing and saying, I think that beat that b.

Bomb meant.

No, no.

No, no. Boom, boom. And then there the hard to do with these. Yeah.

And yes, that was a dope song.

That was a really good playlist.

So we digress. But where's information? It's like, you know, you want someone to compliment you, right? Or be like, You know, I'm proud of you today.

Should we start with with your percentage on that one and just go with it?

So I was 20%, really 20%.

Mine was 33.

So that's your top. So you are basically can't guess it now because that's called obviously your top. You just just.

Messed up the assignment. I have to tell you, I feel like if we're just going to go down. I don't want people to forget, you know, that's true.

You know what? Let's just do it that way. Just keep it like that. So let's just guess. So I'm assuming you're tops our words of affirmation. And. Acts of service. Yes, I figured that that was your top.

How did you know?

Because you like tacos, you want people to give you tackles. Acts of service?

Yes. Get me some food.

And words of affirmation, I just think that that words and compliments do a lot for you. Yeah, they do. Yeah. So what do you think are my top two man?

OK. Hmm. Well, we could get into.

The percentages, I.

Will say. Hmm. I would say it's physical touch of their.

Physical touch is my number two.

Yeah.

It's a close second.

And then I would say. Yours is not accessories, either. No. What is it?

Stephanie, what do you think it is? No, Stephanie Guest's words of affirmation.

Is they're receiving gifts.

No, it's not no receive in.

Quality time.

Quality time, quality.

Time in physical.

Space. That's my top quality time quality time as my top. I want to I like to spend time with who I'm with.

You spend time so that you can.

Have physical touch. It goes together. It makes sense. Absolutely.

I want to spend time with you.

Oh, wow, OK. And I want you to.

And I get really excited when you plan things for me. And it's thoughtful.

Oh, I like. Yeah, yeah.

I'm I'm. I'm very, yeah, I want to be around you. I want to feel your energy and want to touch you.

All that good stuff.

And I want you to touch me. It goes both ways, physical touch, she said.

I need to just add that in there. I need to let people know. The people know. So, so.

Yeah. So where's that optimism was 20% years was 33. Yeah, OK, OK.

Yeah, so so acts of service. Um.

Acts of service was my lowest 7% -20.

Really crazy.

You know, I feel for me because I do.

Most things.

Myself. Mm hmm. And I and my mother is super independent. And I prefer to just do what I have to do myself versus asking someone. Absolutely. So that's probably why mine is super low. Mm hmm.

Well, yeah, probably. Why do you think yours?

Why do you like acts of service tackles it?

Yeah.

You know, I mean, I love. Yeah. Mm hmm. I don't know. Honestly, I really don't know because I like to do things myself as well, you know, so acts of.

Service, you could be like cleaning the dishes.

Yeah. And my husband is a very good cleaner. He cleans. Oh, but I mean, he's I'll give him that for sure.

And he's going to love that shot up because it's true. Yes, it is.

True for me. Yeah, I think that it's important to do things, do things for the person that you love, you know? But yeah, so I don't know what to say, but I mean, 20%, but that's what it is.

OK. Yeah, the next one is quality time.

So that for me was 33%.

I was 20. Really? Yeah.

So you don't want to be around the person that you. I mean, 20 is still pretty good.

Yeah.

But I that's my number one. I want to be around you.

I want to be around. I wouldn't run too. But you know what? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? No. But sometimes when you know your lives are just super busy, you know, like, for instance, like my husband, he works a lot, you know?

But when we get together, it's we have a ball, you know? So it's kind of like it just depends on, I think, your lifestyle. Sometimes you don't really have a choice in being together apart. And so if you get used to, you know, a certain thing, then that's just kind of what it is.

But I appreciate quality time. Of course, yes. You know, but.

Yeah, yeah, quality time again. It's my number one. It's always fun to be around you.

Absolutely. When you get it, it's great, you.

Know, and quality time for me. You don't have to just be physically. There could also be a call. Absolutely. You're thinking of me.

Absolutely. Oh yeah.

You know, once you have time and attention.

All of.

That.

Going my.

Way. Exactly. So what's next on your list?

What's physical touch?

What was that for you? 17 -30%.

I know.

Yes.

I need you to.

Touch my body. I never really touch my body. What's up, Mariah? Yes, you got to answer. I like that touch.

Yes, because that's how Mariah would answer. She's a diva.

I love Mariah Carey.

So yeah, physical touch is big.

OK. And then receiving gifts.

10% up 10%. Yeah, yeah.

That's yeah, that was my last meal, I guess. But I don't really need.

Oh, really, I can buy what I need.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess it kind of depends on what the gift is, really. Yeah, that's a really that's a broad.

If it's a vacation, that's awesome because we'll be spending time together. Absolutely.

Absolutely.

So like, that works for me. That's a great gift. Buy me a trip.

Yeah, you know, absolutely. That's a great gift.

That's awesome gift.

Or a plate of tacos that go so far. Yes, I can't tell you enough. Yes, you shuffle some tacos. I'm like.

OK, that's how it goes. Yeah, so so we just talked about our love lives. What's the next quiz I.

Asked you to.

Fill out?

Oh man, you have me.

Do you have me do?

What's an attachment?

one attachment styles. I wanted to know what her attachment style was, and attachment style is more so to see how you show up in relationships. Let me get my phone because I want to break it down. Yeah, break it down.

Break it down. Let's see. And I had it, so I had to take this quiz twice.

By the way. She lost the last bit.

And the first time I did it, I got a different response.

I know, but that's OK. I mean, she's. Growing because the second response is better than the first.

It is the first. Yeah, absolutely.

So. Attachment style, so we have secure which is can trust fairly easily, is attuned to emotions, can communicate upsets, directly leads with cooperative and flexible behaviors in relationships. OK, then we have anxious, has a sensitive nervous system, struggles communicate needs directly.

Tends to act out when triggered. Example can make your partner jealous.

Oh, that's not fun. No, it's not avoidant.

Dismissive. So that's that's one downplays the importance of relationships, is usually extremely self-reliant, can become more vulnerable when there's a big crisis and then the next one. The last one is avoidant, fearful, more dependent in relationships than avoidant, dismissive personalities.

Strongly fears rejection has low self-esteem and has high anxiety in relationships.

Wow. Yeah, wow.

So which one are you?

I I this round I got.

I.

Got secure. Yes, I got secure.

That's awesome. I got secure, too. Yeah. And I think before you got, yeah, avoidant, dismissive.

I think I.

Did. So I can say yes.

Because you're like, I don't.

Need you dismissed this before.

Exactly. But you know, I feel as though even though I did get secure, I have some anxious tendencies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially when I was younger, I would say that. If I didn't if if I called you and you didn't pick up Ray.

Yeah, come on, keep calling. Absolutely. I think he.

Used to do that too. Yeah, absolutely. I will listen.

OK. You will.

See. I'm sure I've Googled automatic ways to keep going so well.

You better pick up the phone.

Think of the phone cause I'm not playing.

Or you can probably have like ten or 20 missed calls. Yeah, that was that was little me, though.

Yeah. Now, big.

Girl me, I will do that.

When I got time for that. I call you on.

This if you don't call me back in a year.

Oh geez.

I don't care. You're my my.

Pretty much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's.

Interesting.

And I think what this quiz I liked about it because it ties in your childhood. Yes. Yeah.

So the questions on this quiz in particular, which we should probably I don't know if we can post that somewhere. Give them the people the link to give them quiz.

Yeah, yeah.

And the link or something. But the questions were just very interesting. They pertain to your mother and then your father and then your significant other or anybody in that role that you're trying to answer those questions for.

Yes. And how secure you felt? Yeah. When you were a child with your parents and how that ties into your relationships as an adult? Yeah. And I think for me, I was very secure with both of my parents very, very secure, both of my parents as well.

You know, my dad passed away, but my mother's, I'm super secure, obviously, with her knowing if my dad was alive. Oh yeah, for sure. I believe I'll the super secret with him too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom was my mom is a little, you know.

If she sells the Hello, what.

Is my number one? Yes, no. She's yeah, she's always been really good to me, you know? But you know, my dad wasn't really in the picture, right? Right. So.

Yeah, so then you don't really have a secure relationship there?

No. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't say it. Yeah, but it's still good that you were able to.

Skip to score as a secure.

Life.

I know, because that means your mom. Definitely.

Yeah. You know.

I took that role of both mother and father.

Absolutely. And then they ask you about your significant other, which, you know, I think my, you know, my husband did what it helps me. I like answer.

Hopefully, I think he's awesome. I do. I really do.

I really, really do. So I'm going to have him take that quiz.

You should. I want to know, want to see what is, as you said.

You think it's important for both. Like you think that that's actually something a couple should do?

Yes, absolutely. That that actually is very helpful.

You know why? Because if someone is an anxious personality, right? Or yeah, let's stick with anxious if you see them calling you all the time. Mm hmm. That's probably why. Yeah, because they're anxious. Like, OK, well, I haven't heard from you.

You just want to make sure you're OK, right? And then to maybe calm their nerves. You like, Hey, maybe I need to shut off, you know, a text or two, just a little. Just just to say, Hey, I'm good, how are you?

You know, to calm their nerves. Because just because someone who has certain attachment styles, that doesn't mean that they're less of a person. Absolutely you. It's just kind of different ways they have to adapt.

That's a great way of putting it. So true. So true. Mm hmm. Yes. So. Friends, family, everybody just take them, I mean, my mom, take it to you should.

You know, you definitely should, and then you can kind of be like, Oh, that's why you act like that.

Exactly.

I didn't know, but I know, I know, I know.

Yeah. So that's just good. Now we can. You want to move into our next topic? We wanted to talk about Cheetah.

And she did you a pumpkin eater.

Remember that? Yes, very. That was a.

Thing. That was a thing. OK. Yeah. So have you ever been cheated on?

Yeah, absolutely. Do you care to?

To elaborate with that one, yes, I mean, so so it was with an ex. And I found out at the end of the relationship and we had been together for quite some time, and I think a girl reached out to me and told me about it.

And then others came forth.

Well, yeah, I think I think another girl. Yeah.

This one.

Yeah, this is like one or two, maybe two or three. But oh, it came out. I didn't talk to all of them around. But yeah, I found out. And it was crazy because the way that the girl told me, it was kind of like she was like, You know, he really loves you, but you know, I'm like

, You, OK, you're being weird. It was. It was weird. It was just a weird situation.

But I remember you calling me.

Yeah.

You were so distraught. You were like crying.

Yeah, I was really upset with that one that, you know, I mean, it hurts, you know? And know.

I was thinking, How did you have time? Because you guys felt like I felt like you guys are always together? Yeah. Oh, how did he find the time?

You're going to find the time. You know, you're going to find time to just feel you want.

To just always.

There.

Yeah, yeah. You know, we used to go to the studio. He would he would be there. He will drop us off. So it was shocking to me.

Yeah, but people are going to do what they're going to do. That is true, you know.

Make time for whatever they want to make time for. Even if it's just destructive, are not.

Exactly whether you have it. Yeah. Luckily, you know, I wasn't with that person. That's not my happiness. And, you know, we didn't have any kids, but you know, it happens all the time, you know? I mean, when did Jay find time to do that to be?

That's true. Jay-Z did cheat on Beyonce.

When did he find the time to do that?

I mean, Beyonce is a super busy woman, and I'm assuming he's not with her all the time.

He is now. She's like, They travel with me everywhere.

I go, or even Kevin Hart in them. Remember that story that happened with that?

That was crazy because she was pregnant.

You see the video? I did. Of course I watched it. Why wouldn't I have great little news? That was it was.

That was something else. Boy, I can't imagine being cheated on and having a video of it.

I can't, you know, turn to me. The biggest one was while she was pregnant.

I know, I know.

I just think pregnancy is such a sick.

Off limit that should be ultimately just off limits and.

Vulnerable time for someone to be in. Yeah. And I expect whomever husband, boyfriend, whatever to kind of be. More respect, a little.

More.

Insensitive to people during that time.

Yeah, that's rough.

Very rough. That's really rough. Have you?

I have been cheated on. Yes, yes. Yeah, I have been cheated on. It was.

Terrible. Yes. How did.

You find out.

To spill the beans? David, tell me. Tell me, OK, tell me.

So he had gone.

Have you had to spit it out? You're really going to tell the story for the internet.

Just give me a piece of it.

You don't got to give me had gone out of town because Stephanie's.

Laughing, too. Oh, I'm so.

OK. So he had gone out of town for work. He had said he went out of town and I found out he actually did it. Oh yeah. And he went to a club he claims with his friends, and he claims he was too drunk.

To.

To drive back home. So he stayed at a hotel, and he said there were girls in the lobby and him and a girl. I'm just telling you what he said, guys, OK. In my mind, this story didn't make much sense, but so I'm assuming it was girls from the club who were also staying because he said the

hotel was was like very close.

To.

The club. Are the bar, whatever.

So I had called him in the morning because I because in my mind I'm thinking, Oh, you're you know, you got to get up to go to work. So I called him hella early in the morning at five and.

The woman picked up.

Oh, my goodness.

Are you serious?

So serious.

What does she say?

She said, Hello, I'm my my stupid ass was like, Wait, is this the phone number? Is this the right number?

Oh my God.

And I was like, And then the person hanged up. Oh no. So I called back. And the person picked up again.

She picked up again.

She said hello, and then she hung up the phone.

Oh, she's playing games.

Boy, yeah. So then.

Whoa.

I did some detective work, huh? Yes. Sometimes I don't like telling exactly the steps, I don't think it's I think it's good. No, I think sometimes people should know, but I'm just thinking like. Sometimes I just don't like saying it, but I'm just going to say it, so what I did was I went because of our cards

at that time were linked. So I checked his bank account and it showed that he checked what hotel he checked into and all that stuff. So I called the hotel and I said, Can you please put me through to Mr. So-and-so's Room?

And they did.

And they did. And what happened?

He didn't pick up because it was super. He was still sleeping.

So she didn't know that she was answering his phone. I wonder what he was, did that.

Supposedly they shared the same type of phone. And she thought it was her phone that she was picking up because I guess they were also drunk.

Right?

And you know.

Wow.

Doing the do that, they doing and sleeping next to each other or whatever.

Oh, so what man.

I am, I am. I am healed from this story, so it doesn't. It doesn't hurt me anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It's a horrible story, though. I mean, you know, that's why that that you have to really be mindful because being cheated on and cheating, all of that's all of it. All of it is just it'll all make your head spin, you know, sure it'll all make your head spin and both parties just kind of like, it's really

, really unfortunate. It's it's so unfortunate. And. I mean, it happens every day, it happens all the time, you know, especially with people that you don't think you know, would even go there, you know, but it happens all the time.

So have you ever cheated on someone?

Yes.

So after you say all of that.

I have a past. I've grown now. I have.

A bad. Not proud of it.

I am not proud.

But for the podcast I'll share.

Yeah, absolutely.

So what? What was that like?

You know, it was.

It.

And this is another thing. I think that women cheat for different reasons than men cheat. You know, for me, I think that it was more like emotional support, type, type of situation.

OK, you know, OK?

But yeah, I mean, that's really did the.

Person find out that whoever you were with, find out that you.

Cheated? Yeah.

And how, how, how he was.

I mean, he was upset. And then, you know, we kind of both did that to each other. Oh, OK. And so that was good grounds for ending the whole thing completely, you know? But yeah, I mean, it's it's not something that I'm proud to say that I've done before, but I'm not perfect.

You know, you're human, I'm human. And, you know, sometimes things things, they happen. But you know, the older you get, the more.

You're so much younger than two.

You don't want to play those games now.

And I'm assuming the reason I probably was like, super serious, was it?

Well, it was kind of kind of I mean, it it was.

Oh, it was OK. Yeah, but not anymore.

Yeah, yeah.

So yeah, but I've never you never.

Yeah, I know she was going to say, I know you've never, you've never.

I've never shared, you know, you've never gone down that.

Road, which you never should.

You know, it's not that you have not. That's the great quality, but you, you know, thank you.

Very loyal.

Very loyal, very loyal girls loyal to the end. That's what this, you know.

But so since you've cheated before, I'm assuming you don't think once a cheater, always a cheater.

No, I don't. I don't. I don't think that. I think that you eventually learn. And honestly, you know, cheating is. Work you don't want to go through, that's when.

You see, was it like a one time thing or like, Oh, it.

Was a one time thing, but still like.

You have to cover up a whole bunch of steps.

Yeah. So remember your lies. It's it's it's not easy, you know what I mean? It's that type of stuff you want to leave for when you're out there playing games. You know, once you kind of get into something serious, you want to leave that stuff behind because it doesn't help the situation, right?

You know, and I think that the further you go, the harder it gets.

Yeah. Do you think do you think men cheat differently than women?

Some, some some men probably do. Yeah, you know, some some men probably use it for the same reason that some women do it from emotional support. But sometimes it's the ego. Sometimes it's just the.

Ego is a big one or.

Availability. You know, like all these girls are hairs or whatnot, you know what I mean? They'll take it and do it for that reason, you know? But yeah, I mean, it can really be very damaging.

So definitely, I remember asking that person, like, why? Yeah, they didn't have a response. I don't know. I said, it wasn't me. Like, what's what? What is it? They're like, No, it's not you.

Yeah, because sometimes you know, it doesn't have anything to do with you. That's hard to kind of think about it like that, but sometimes it doesn't have anything to do with you. Like that was just where they were and how they were thinking and how they were feeling at that time with that certain person, you know?

I think it's really unfortunate when people do that and there are families involved and like, you know, people end up leaving them for that other person and then, you know, it can get just get so messy. That's very, very messy.

I think it really messy with that. Yeah. Like, I was just trying to think of the celebrities who have done that and gotten back together with the whole thing.

Well, I remember like years ago, but they are obviously now in a very good relationship. Remember that Alicia Keys and Swizz?

Yes.

Yes. The ladies thing. I'm not sure Lashonda or something.

Yes.

Something like that. That was kind of that.

Was that was I'm still fuzzy with the whole details with that.

And we don't need to know the details. That's fine.

We're going to have Alisha on here next week.

We have to just ask her what happened? Yeah.

But no, that's yeah. Because now, you know, now they're in a good place. I've seen them vacation and everybody's like, Yeah, you know.

They've definitely matured.

They have definitely matured. But I could see somebody wanted to bring somebody like I knew. I knew of the situation, and I'm not going to say any names, of course. OK, OK. But I want to hear. I remember that there was a situation involving this, this young lady who was dating this guy.

They were. They have a child together. They were. They were dating and the guy used to go to work every day or whatever, whatever. And she found out that their little circle of friends that they would always hang out with, you know, every now and then he was cheating on her with one of the girls in the

in their friends group. And then he decided to leave this young lady and to be with this other woman. Yeah, and it was just really messy because he was friends with. They were all friends. I think it gets.

Really did he did he stay with the person he cheated?

Yeah. So they're all.

Together. They're still.

Together. Yeah, yeah. And it's just so sad. It's so sad because but that also kind of makes you think like, so were you guys creep in this whole time? Like, Yeah, when it happens like that and it's among friends like that, it's like, That's crazy.

Like a little fist. And Omarion.

You saw fist just apologized to Omari.

I'm sorry, I would not be taking that apology.

I bet he did it on stage as well. What would you do?

Well, I mean, on stage, we could pretend, but once we get off, maybe they'll talk to me. Really? I mean, if you're going to be. Sleepin with the man's the mother of his children.

two kids, yep, you.

Should know as a friend that you should have never done that in the first place.

He said. It said something like we were we weren't friends or something like that. But I'm like, what? No, that is still still no.

You know, and that just kind of ties into the effects of cheating. I've never heard of a great effect.

Great cheating straight.

No, I have never heard of a great Jaeden story.

Well, I mean, Alicia would probably beg to differ now.

Maybe. But I mean, I'm sure they've worked it out. But but but there's a lot of hurt. I'm sure that that took place from that situation for me, like I remember when I was cheated on. It felt like I think we touched on it.

The Premiere podcast, a form of emotional emotional abuse.

Yeah, for.

Me, because I remember that year after. I found out I literally was so paranoid about everything.

Oh, I bet.

Paranoid about where he went. Paranoid about who's talking to I. I remember going to get tested all the time. Oh man, I used to go and get tested all the time because I remember again, I Google a lot.

Yeah, yeah. So I Googled I was like, Oh, you know, things don't show.

Up until a couple of months. Oh, my goodness, that's true.

You better get.

It's very true, guys. I used to go and I used to get tested. And then you have to wait for those results and you're like, Oh, thank God, that is good. But even that the psychological trauma of going through that is as follows you.

It's crazy.

Did he know that you were getting tested?

Yes, of course he knew.

Did he get tested often? Yes.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he he did too. And I think he went again after the, you know, after after he got tested initially. Yeah, once we found out because I found out, obviously the same time because the woman picked up the phone.

That's insane to.

Me. Yeah. So, you know, he kind of he tried to lie about that too is he tried to say his phone was stolen, all type of stuff, you know? But I was like.

Yeah.

You're caught, you're hot. But. Yeah. So that to me is it's a form of emotional abuse and also having someone choose something for me that I wasn't a part of because you chose to step out and potentially put my life at risk.

Yeah. And that was something that it was hard for me to get over because I didn't have a choice in that decision.

Yeah, absolutely. No, absolutely. I totally understand that one. Yeah. But yeah, you know, people do strange things sometimes that do really odd things. Sometimes, you know, only thing you can do is worry about yourself.

Yeah. Would you say it depends.

It depends on on the there's also levels of cheating, you know? Are you guys being intimate? Are you guys, you know? How often was that? You know, I mean, what type of a relationship was or what do you care for that person?

A lot. I mean, all of those things kind of come into into play. You know what I say? If if my husband did something like that, you know, it's a good question, you know? You know, I don't think, you know, until you're going through it, you know what I mean?

But I think because I've gone through it and I said I wouldn't say again if it happened in the new relationship, OK? I just wouldn't. Because again, that emotional trauma was, yeah, was very hard for me to get over.

I bet it was super hard for me to go, and I don't think my mental state is worth. Any individual at all? Absolutely, I meant to stay as much more important than absolutely anyone.

You know what else I want to know?

What do you want to know?

Did Britney cheat on Justin?

Are these things that go through your mind?

Because if Justin cheated on Britney? Well, I think he kind of that song Cry me a river. Yeah, implied that she cheated.

That's what I'm saying.

Maybe she did. They were so young.

I know, I know a lot of this.

And she really has so many men after her. Granted, he probably had so many women after him. Yeah, but.

You never know. I always wondered, though super young. I always wondered. I know. And you know what? I do also wonder what with how people who you automatically assume are going to cheat like sports sports players? Oh, musicians.

OK, OK.

Sometimes you automatically feel like I can't imagine being a girlfriend of somebody in that arena.

Look at LeBron. Sure, LeBron James, Steph Curry, Steph Curry, they don't seem like they should granted that we don't know. I don't know about LeBron.

I think that Steph might be a good one, but I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know, though. My husband would beg to differ. He'd be like, No, I don't know, though.

Russell Wilson.

Oh my God. Hello. Russell is amazing.

If I found the Russell, I'll be very happy. You're going to find a Russell girl.

I believe it. I know you.

Both on your.

Wrist. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

But also with.

Russell, I would tussle.

With Russell. I know this already. I know you're not going to hate calling him.

But, but yeah, so I mean that that kind of kind of goes with it because these women are everywhere with true people like that, sports players and musicians.

Do you want to know all the details?

If you if I find out somebody cheated? Yeah. If I found out he cheated, what? I want to know what.

While that that happened, like, what did you guys do? Type of.

No, no, no, no. I don't want to know. I don't want to listen. I don't want to know then because one of us, we're both not walking out this door.

If I know the.

Details, let's say that right now we're both now walking out of here.

But you don't want to know. I want to know. I want to know the details.

If you if you care for your life.

Those in the family. What? I just don't do it at all. How about that?

I I want to know the details, but then I'm going to be scarred from the detail. That's I'm saying I just don't want to go through it at all. Yeah, it tells hard, but I want to know the details because that's just me.

I'm a very curious person. I want to know what she look like. I wanna know what her hair is like. She I know. I want to know where you met, OK, I want to know what you guys did.

Mm hmm. I wonder how old she is.

All of.

That. Oh, that's just me. I just want to know I'm like, OK, well, what made you make this decision?

Right, right, right. But you know what? A lot of the times that'll make you crazy because a lot of the times like, I did something to do with you, you know, and that person that they chose to do that with is, you know, within a whole other realm within themselves.

Sure, it makes it really interesting, but I found that, well, I think that fiancee I was saying to her earlier that John say, you know, she made that album about J. About when, you know, he stepped out, cheated on her.

But I honestly think that she made the album her mother.

She probably did.

Maybe for both.

Of them, both of them, you know, both probably need.

Healing. The elevator incident wasn't a joke.

We all saw it.

I commend you for lunch because because I would have probably.

Man. Absolutely. Yeah. Because when you think about like, why? What would what would cause for you to react like that to your sisters, man?

I don't know. But I'm sure he deserved it.

Dude.

I believe he deserved it.

You probably.

Did. He probably. And he knew he deserved it. He didn't do nothing. He didn't. He just stood there. He took it.

Mm hmm.

But the magic was when they got off the elevator and everybody.

Was looking like nothing happened. Oh.

But isn't that kind of very similar to in real life?

Yeah, right. When you when you.

Things are going on behind the scenes and you still have to pretend, you know, and act as though everything's OK, so you have to go to work and act like everything's OK, you still.

Got to keep swimming. You still got to keep pedaling even if things are not OK. But that's just, you know. Yeah, it's always good to just keep trying to move forward.

Period, for sure, you know? Yeah. So we're going to move on to the Queen's truth. Yes, some questions that Stephanie has prepared in here for us, and it's always a joy.

It's always a joy.

To see what she comes up with. Yeah, how can you increase trust and transparency after cheating are being cheated on?

Oh wow, that's a big one.

I can. Hmm. I think because obviously you're going to stay in this scenario because you have you're trying to increase your trust and transparency. So for me, you have to. Let the individual that you cheated on and really feel their fuels go through all of their emotions and not take it personally because some people, some people will

probably say, Oh, you haven't got garner over that yet? No, yeah, he or she has not gone over it yet. And you have to let them talk about it. How how many times they want to talk about it?

Yeah, you have to let them process it for how long they want to process it. And you just have to suck it up and deal with that.

Just deal with the consequences of is. Absolutely.

And you have to be open to, you know, sharing where you're at at all times. If that's a requirement, yeah, you have to be open to sharing passwords.

All that everything the doors are now all.

Open, all open. You have to just. Whatever it takes, whatever it takes, you know, you just have to be willing to do it and not take it personally and understand that if you are completely open, you're going to increase the trust level with your partner.

Great answer. Yeah. I don't know if you have anything else to add to that.

That was good. That was right on the money. All right. I was right on the money, Hannah. OK. You know, do opposites attract?

So I guess this is pertaining more to our compatibility this year?

Yeah. And yes, they do. OK. I think opposites attract. OK. Sure, for sure. Mm hmm. I mean, I want to say that goes for anyone you're romantic with or your friends. Mm hmm. You know, I got a lot of weirdos.

I don't know.

That's opposite because you're weird.

So I don't know that.

And then like, I guess I'm the weirdo.

Sitting next to her body, but I guess I'm the weirdo. It's to hear those two words in a pod. OK, so we sort of called it back to where it was in the past. But yes.

I do think that opposites attract on many levels. I think it's really good when people have things that you don't, you know.

And can balance each other.

Yeah, that's a great thing. It's a great thing.

So yes.

All right. Do you have preferable results in your future partners? So I guess that's probably in regards to the love language. Yeah. I don't have a preferable result. And here's why. I think it's awesome to just learn people and to be happy when people are different to you.

Yeah. If their results are completely different than mine, that's just my way of learning them and letting them know, Hey, I'm actually taking the time to know you so that I can please you. Yeah, yeah. Emotionally, all that stuff.

Absolutely. However you want to be. Yeah. So I'm all good with having someone who shared different results to me because I'm different.

Absolutely, absolutely. And I think it makes for an interesting.

Makes it fun. Yeah. When you have fun.

Yeah.

Why not? All right. Let's go to the next.

OK. How adamant are you on your results with others? Would you ask someone you're dating to take a quiz like this?

Yes.

Yeah. Like I said, I'm going to ask. Yeah, I'm going to.

I'm not going to ask you out if the results are. Yes, different.

And they're not even I don't think that no answer is the wrong answer. Exactly. No end result is is a bad one. You know, it just kind of tells you little things about that person that you might not have necessarily known right off the bat, you know, for sure.

So, yeah, I mean, it is what it is.

But OK, let's see. Is it OK to question the other woman?

Oh.

Huh. That's a deep.

Question.

Is it OK to question the other woman? It depends if the other woman is a friend or family member. Yes, you will be questioned.

Absolutely. And me to be right there questioning you too late. Hey, was that was that had to happen?

But if it's someone I don't know. No, I'm not questioning.

Yeah, I wouldn't. Just because of the damage has been done like, I don't need to be going back and forth with for sure with you, OK?

Like, I'm questioning the man.

The last thing I need to do is talk about it. Like for what?

Gary, did what you did for what?

Yeah, I my problem is not with with the woman. My problem is always with the man.

Yeah, it's a yeah, we don't want to do go round and round about about stuff like that. It's really not necessary.

No.

I know what I need to know.

Exactly.

And you're OK. It's getting to me like that.

When is it OK to blame the other woman?

When is it OK to blame the other woman?

I don't know if you should blame her at all. You know, because, you know, I don't know if it necessarily has anything to do with the other person as much, it doesn't necessarily have to be the third party like this relationship is not with you.

OK. So I wouldn't even want to waste my time with it. That would just make me really frustrated and probably stress me out even more than I already am.

Would you know there's I don't I'm not in a relationship with her. Yeah. So I really don't see why.

I don't need to address you. You know, like, I'm not.

I don't. I don't blame unless unless he was raped.

Which is.

Which happens, but but no. Why? He's a willing participant.

Yeah, so. So no, no really reason to.

Exactly talk to the other. OK, let's see. You see your partner must change their number after cheating. Does your partner?

Oh, mm, yes. Really? No, I don't. You know, that's a good question. Do they change their number? No, I wouldn't say that they needed to. To do that, because if somebody wants to find you, they'll find you, especially now, you know, maybe back in the day when it was like so heavy on this phone.

Yeah. Now social media, Facebook and IG and all that kind of stuff, people will find you. Regardless, it doesn't matter if you change your number now. Today, it doesn't matter.

I don't care if you change your number or not. You can block that person. Yeah, and you can. If they find you another way, you as a grown person should be able to ignore that phone call. Mm hmm.

So to me, all of those are just tactics to try to. Control the scenario I don't want, say, control some of it, control the scenario, yeah, but people are going to do what they want to do. They're going to find the means to do whatever they need to do.

So it really is about them as a person and not about how they're contacting someone. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, they're.

Going to they're going to find they're going to find you anyway eventually. So that's how that goes. OK. Have you entertained thoughts about cheating before?

Oh, yeah.

I have already confessed.

Have I entertained thoughts about cheating before? I also would say, no, no, no, I haven't. Because for me, I just prefer to exit the situation.

Yeah, before you jump into and before.

I jump into something and I just, I don't know, I will feel so bad. I don't think I will even be able.

To go through with the air.

I would not be able to like sleep. I just would feel terrible, that's just the type of person I am. Yeah.

You know, you should feel horrible and terrible when you do that, but there's some people who don't feel horrible and terrible. I mean, you know it. I think it also depends on the reason for you doing what you're doing.

Sometimes you just want to get the kicks off. You know, sometimes people are looking at it for other reasons, so they don't feel so bad. But it depends on the person. It depends on why. What was your partner?

I mean, it's such a broad topic. Yeah, you know, but you should feel bad, of course.

But I think also me personally, when I'm with someone, I don't even allow other people to get in my head at all. Like, if the conversation is going towards a way that I don't like, I'm I'm like, OK, bye.

You know, I don't. And I think sometimes that's the mistake with some people is that they entertain conversations that are actually not good if you're in a committed relationship. Absolutely. So I don't even entertain those conversations. Yeah, so.

So I think it's kind of hard for me to even think about cheating when I don't even.

There's entertainment.

I don't even entertain it.

It's a good way of going about it. Yeah, I mean, overall, I feel like, you know, it's.

It's.

It's an it's unfortunate situation, but it's a lot more unfortunate when there are families involved. Yeah, you know, that stings. It hurts.

You know, I understand that we say that. But I still think that even if you didn't have a family involved being cheated on and being the recipient of being cheated on, even if you don't have family involved, it still stings your self-esteem.

Oh, it's yeah.

Those things you as a.

Person. Yeah.

So for me, it's like, Yeah, I just don't think. Me personally, I just say, try to not do it at all. Yeah. At all. Absolutely. I really can't see a reason why cheating will ever be a good thing.

Do you have friends that have done stuff like that?

Have you?

You know, but like I have, I know quite a few.

People in situations that.

Are like currently.

Cheating. No, no, no. No, no. Not currently, but in the past. Yeah, like or, you know, especially like older people like.

I'm not going to have for, I don't know. I don't think.

So. Yeah, I I can't think of anyone that I know.

Crazy stories about people.

Cheating. I mean, I have family members, you know, I've heard of as a kid, you hear stories and yeah, I can't think of like a friend that I know of that has cheated. I mean, I have friends who have been cheated on.

Yeah, of course. But yeah, I can't think of anyone in particular.

You know what show they need to bring back what cheaters, cheaters?

That's so it's hilarious. You know, how did they get into those hotel rooms?

You didn't end up on that show, please?

Oh, please. first of all, I have I have a few.

Questions for that one. OK? How did they get into the hotel rooms? Because sometimes they were this person and they were in the bed?

I have no idea. Maybe they spoke to the hotel manager.

I wonder if any of that was real.

And maybe it wasn't real. That is true. I just I never thought about that.

I want to believe that it was because I used to watch it all the time, but we don't know. Maybe not. Or Jerry Springer, all of that stuff. Yeah. In the stadium, I.

Saw your hair was crazy. Jerry Springer was he was like, I'm cheating on you and I'm with your mother now. Like what? And she's pregnant.

Oh my God. That is. There's no there's no coming back from stuff like that. There is no know. But, but yeah.

So anyhow, any houses, I think that this is a good stopping point.

Absolutely. We are like that. We touched on this.

I know, I know. And you know, if you guys have questions or if you want to even have have us comment on your own personal situation. Yeah, questions at queens of a feather dot com. And you can go to our Instagram at queens of a Feather Dot podcast.

Yeah, confess.

Send your confessions to me Yes.

So thank you guys for.

This and make you.

Tune in again.

Yeah, every week. Yes, Thursday we.

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