Episode 2: Makeup to Breakup or we Done DONE?!

In light of recent celebrity break ups (Miguel and Nazanin) and make ups (JLo and Ben Affleck) we wanted to have some girl chat on making up to breaking up or simply calling it quits. 

Have you gotten back with an ex? Or when is it time to cut ties completely? What are some MAJOR reasons to call it quits for good? Have you ever jumped into a relationship without healing from your prior relationship? Is there a timeframe on when to date again after a breakup? What are some ways to heal after a breakup? 

We discuss all of this plus so much more in our new episode of “Queens of a Feather” podcast available on YouTube or any major podcast platform now.

To listen to our Heartbreak Recovery Playlist click here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6EQNgOwKJaJK6MvZlZJeDK

Visit our Instagram @queensofafeather.podcast.

Transcript

This transcription was auto transcribed. Some text may be incorrect. 

*Music*

Welcome back. Welcome to Queens of a Feather podcast.

Good, all that good stuff. Because they may be. I'm saying, who knows? Yeah, but you're here with us now. So hello. Hello. How goes it? We missed you guys.

And then, you know, again, now you know. But welcome, guys. Today we have some juicy topics for you. Yeah. Make up the break up. It's a good one. It's a super good one. But how are you first? How are you doing?

You know what I am. Well, you are. I am very well. Thank you. Living life. Yes. I'm living life loving God. Of course. Having sex.. I am joking. Oh, my goodness. She doesn't skip a beat. This one here. I don't know.

How are you? I'm I'm good. I am doing awesome. I do it. Amazing. You're glowing. I feel like. Oh, yes, the glow that the gold glow. Oh, is that brown sugar, baby? Oh, I love it. I love. Oh, yeah.

We're going to be talking about breakup to make, man. Everybody can relate to this topic. I think so. I think so. It's based. We were talking about it based on Miguel and and his wife, Nazinin Yeah. She's so beautiful.

Beautiful, so beautiful. Gorgeous. And she she really has a good spirit. I was following her on IJJI and I always love her posts, you know. So so, yes. So on the topic of Love Breakup's, I guess we'll be the first couple that we we kind of talk about talk about.

There's a lot of couples, though, but that's the first one that we can that caught me the most off guard. Yeah, they've been together for so long and they just got married. Was it just well, like a year ago.

May I want to say so. Do you think marriage changes things? You know what? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. And I don't understand why. To be honest, because, I mean, you have the title of being married, but the relationship should technically be the same.

The dynamic is still the same unless, you know, you weren't living together. And you know how some people wait until to do those things until they're married. That is true. And living together can definitely put more pressure. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm wondering what the reason. You know me. I'm like everyone cheated. All of you. Like I mean, that's why people break up. Oh, my goodness. Everyone cheated.

I always wonder when it comes to celebrities, you know what I mean? Because you have people at your fingertips. You do? Yeah, but men and women. Oh, temptation. Oh, I get what you're you know, the temptation. But everybody loves Miguel.

And she's gorgeous, too, though. She is. She is. She's even though she's not the bigger celebrity relationship. Right. She's she's I that's probably hard to to be with somebody who is so in the spotlight. Mm hmm. You know, you can you when you think of two powerhouses like Jay-Z and Beyonce, like, they kind of level each other

out, you know what I mean? Right. With that platform and with Miguel and Naz, it's kind of like, hmm. But weren't they together for a before. Before? So that's why I'm like, what happened? What happened? We will never know unless she does an interview with us.

Oh, let's see. One day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe. But, you know, there's a lot of celebrities who's actually kind of broken up. Yeah. And then they make up. So we're not going to lose hope for them. We're not they may come back together.

You never know. They may figure it out. But you know what? That I have a question. If you were with someone for 17, 20 years and you only have no kids. Yeah. How would you like would you care like then you break up?

It depends. So if you want kids, then of course that's going to be a challenge later. Hmm. Both of you guys have to be on the same page with that because you don't want someone to resent the other person later.

You know, so that's kind of a that's that's a tough one, you know. That's true. I. Yeah. You know, because they break up with you. Mm hmm. Are you break with them. Whatever. You guys break up. Yeah. And then they have kids with somebody else.

Like like Neo. Neo. Oh, was it Neil? Neil didn't do that. Yes. I met Jeannie Mai and Jeezy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because she was she was married before and she was adamant. Yup. I don't want any kids. Yes.

Yeah. And now she's pregnant. And, you know, it's also hard, though, like with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. You know, they're together for a long time. Yes. They never had any kids. I don't know. She didn't want kids.

But then he went on to have a bunch of kids with Angelina Jolie. Now they're not together. Yeah. You know, it's just so we're going to have Brad on here next week to talk about it. Talk about the people and let us know.

Yeah. So but I don't know. I would kind of feel the type of way like. Yeah. Said, you know, kids with me and now you're going to have kids with her. That's hey, if that happens, happens all the time.

Hey, it does happen all the time. But Jeannie Mai does seem happier with. Yeah. And sometimes it's just about finding the right one and then they open the doors to the thought and you want to see yourself with them.

And that light, you know, with the with the baby, you know, I totally get it. And then sometimes, you know, like we were saying, infertility, you know, that plays a big role. And that really hurts when there's nothing you can do about it being done that way because you can always adopt.

There's other ways, other. Yes. Yes. But if you wanted to go that route and you can't go that route, that's really hurtful. Yeah, very hurtful. But you're still OK to change your mind if you didn't want a child.

Absolutely. And your prior relationship. And now you find you you know your prints. Yes. Or your princess. You're always, always able to change your mind. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a big deal. Changing your mind. Yeah. So speaking of changing their mind.

Yeah, go ahead. Because they broke up and they made up Cardi B and Offset. Well, they just welcomed another baby. They did that. Which I love. Yeah. They just seem as though they're just fit for each other. They do.

They totally do. Yeah. And, you know, I'm sure that they have their own dysfunction, like all relationships, probably slowly, but they seem to like their dysfunction. Absolutely so. And you know what? I think that sometimes you don't know what you have until it's gone.

I know that when they separated the first time, you know, he was he was showing up on stage, you know, trying to win her back, trying to win her back. He was doing the most. Yeah. Because he probably felt that when somebody really walks away, you're kind of like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

You know, I know. I know. And also, it's harder, I would say, when you have kids, because they had their daughter before. I would assume when they broke up. Did they think they did? Either way, it is harder when you have kids, because sometimes you're like, you know what, I want to get my family back together.

Right. You want to? Yes. If you can help it, it's natural to want to keep your family together. You know, of course, it depends on why you broke up in the first place. Yeah, there are certain things that there's no coming back from.

Like what? Like if he's putting his hands on you or something like that. Yeah. You know, you can't come back from that. That's that's rough. You know, but I mean and I'm not even saying sometimes cheating is a whole deal breaker.

There's no coming back from that. But people who are willing to work on it, you know what I mean? If you can get past it. Fabulous. And Emily B. Emily. Oh, that's it. You know, Emily is going to be here next week as well.

She can tell us her story. Step up. Yeah, that's an interesting one. Yeah. Yeah, they are. They are. I think then they just had another baby. Didn't have a grandkid or something. They had a grandkid, too. It's a lot going on on there, boy.

What about Gabrielle Union and Dwayne Wade? They they broke up. He had a baby, I believe, while they were broken up. But, she said that it was while they were taking a break or something. But, you know, if you're a celebrity, of course, you're going to say that.

I don't know. You know, we don't know. But to me, I'm like, what are you on a break or not? Just because you're on a break doesn't mean that you do things like that. And so so so you're saying if you're on a break, you're not able to have relationships with other people?

I think they need to be clear on what the break means. Does it just mean a break from you and me? And so you can work on yourself and I can work on myself? Or does this break mean you're trying to work on other people?

You know, when you're broken up, do you really have that conversation like, well, this is a break. You are sometimes well, sometimes people break up and they don't think that it's a break. They think it's the end. Yeah, that's very true.

And if you think it's the end and they just move out and they just move right along. Yeah. Do you hold them accountable for having a baby baby that you're in that that is a really, really. What would you would you stay around if if you were going to try to work it out with your guy again

? And he was like, hey, listen, I really want to get back together with you. I miss you. I love you. But I got a baby on the way. Somebody else, you know. You would I think the safe answer is, is I will not get back with them.

But now they have such a cute baby that wouldn't have happened if they didn't get back together. I don't remember the baby's name. She's such a cute little girl. Yeah. So I think sometimes, you know, things happen. People mess up and it's really up to you if you want to forgive or if you don't want to forgive

. But then if she didn't, then she wouldn't have her beautiful daughter. That's very true. And same thing with Ludacris and Eudoxie. Oh, yeah. Oh, you I like she's so beautiful. Is very beautiful. Did they break up a made up to date?

Yeah, they had. He had another daughter with someone. He did. But I always see on her, I Jerel always see that she has all of the girls altogether, you know, which is really cute. I mean, yeah, it's kind of hard because then you have to start adding, you know, there's additions to your family.

Yeah. And if you guys can all get along, it could be a beautiful thing. But sometimes it doesn't work out like that. Like the woman that had the baby can be looking at you. Like now you are you had a baby with me, but now you're going to get back with that.

Could be really messy. Very messy, you know, it could be. But, you know, the ultimate make up to breakup is JLo and Ben. Oh, I'm so happy. I'm so happy that they're back together. Oh, my goodness. You're so stoked.

I love them together. I don't know. I think she going to break up with him again. She is. I don't think she's going to let him go. They finally got back around. JLo moves on quickly. She obviously she circles back.

I just think JLo is you know, she just she's ... she that's where she is. And she moves on. And I actually respect that. I do, too. Someone is no longer serving you. Yes, I. Yeah, well, Halle Berry as well.

Oh, I can't remember her situation, but I think she moves on if. Oh, yes, if she's not with it, she will. She she wants. Yeah. You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think with Jennifer and with Ben in particular, I feel like they may be when they've got together.

It was there was a lot going on. It was a lot with her career is kind of the height of her. It really was, you know. Yeah. And they really separated. Had to they had their own families, but she wouldn't had her babies.

You wouldn't had his babies. They were married to other people. And now that they're coming back together this way, I think they're going to last is because they're older. Yeah, they're older, more mature. You know, they don't have to worry about like, are we going to have baby?

Don't to worry about those things. They can just enjoy being what they've kind of always wanted to be. That's true. You know, that's true. And I can't wait for her next album because because the one that she came out with with Ben on the on the track, that song was called Ben.

Yeah, she's she definitely loves him. But I just think JLO loves a lot of people. So we will see. Everybody loves JLO too. She's gorgeous. Yeah, that's my girl. But I do. She well, she's like the modern day with Elizabeth Taylor or something.

Oh, wow. Oh, she just you know, Elizabeth Taylor, did she have a lot of husbands? Oh, I like that. I mean, OK. You know, a lot of yeah. A lot of rings. A lot of engagement, a lot of engagements.

I don't I'm not sure of the number. Yeah, I wonder. She gave it back quite a bit. So did she get those or I wonder if she gave them back. I wonder what you going to give them back?

Would you give it back? No, this is a gift. I was quick. No. Would you give them back my engagement ring? Yeah. Well, depends on how long we were engaged, why we broke up. It depends. It depends because it depends.

Depends on what you mean. If I'm mad at you and I don't want anything to do with you, I'm probably not going to want to keep the ring. But if it's really, really, really, really nice, I might want to glance at it sometime.

I don't know. It depends on the reason it wants to give it to me. I'm keeping it. I am keeping the ring like it. The ring was saying the ring, stay in my possession. Oh, man. And I upon it.

Oh, you're not getting back, really? No, you're not getting it back. What if you're the one that messed up? He breaks up with you and he's like, I want my ring back. Why would I give? What do you mean if a ring?

Why would I be giving him a ring? No. Like the ring that he gave you, like let's say you guys broke up because you did something to mess it up. If I did something to mess it up, yes.

Which will not happen. But, you know, yes, we can do a hypothetical. Right. If if if it was me. Yes, I would give it back if it was my fault, OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if not, then it's mine.

Yeah, it's mine. I get it. I totally get it. Yeah. So we talked about celebrities that broke up. Made up. What about celebrities that stayed apart? Oh, like Chris. Chris and Karrueche. You got to say like that. Karrueche.

He was outside the club waiting for her. She was like, get away from this place. That was insane. He hopped in the car. Like I said, I'm here to win you back, basically in the most aggressive way.

Oh, my goodness. Just thinking about that man, because he really did that. He's you know, at that time, I don't know what he is like now, but he just seemed a little volatile. So I will I understand why a woman would not want to be with him.

Yeah, because so it's a suppression is not good. Yeah. I don't I don't respond well to any type of an aggression at all. You know, honestly, no one should. No one should. Yeah, you should respond. Well, if you respond well to aggression, you may need to see a therapist and you're like, well, he's aggressive.

I love it. Yes, be aggressive with me. I love it. We need to see a therapist together like. No. By yourself? Oh, my gosh. See a therapist by yourself. Both of you need to be in therapy. Oh, yes.

You know, yes. But by yourself, individual therapy as he goes and he does whatever he wants to do, but not with you. OK, thank you know, so. Yeah, so it was Chris and Karrueche. They they are separated. They're completely separate.

And it's been years. Yeah. As the years and there was Chris and Rihanna, she she she you know, they they got back together quite a bit and they broke up. They did. It was for the best for every now and then you circle back.

That's what happens with with breakups. You know, sometimes it's hard to make that clean break. It really is. When you keep in touch, that's kind of what happens. You know, it just like, oh, I love you again. And I don't know, I've only only limu and it has to be one of you has to be like ready

to just close the door and keep it close. I think when you break up with someone, you need to take at least maybe a month or two to just be by yourself. So you can really think if you come back to the situation too quickly.

Sometimes you don't give your chance yourself a chance to really think and process to reflect. Reflection is really important. I think that people skate over that more than they should. I've done that. I've definitely had my share of this jumping into something else before closing a door.

Why do you think why do you think you did that? You know, it's honestly, it was just in the moment of something like you don't I it's not something that I would like think about. You know, it was just kind of like making my moving my way about with my life, you know?

Sometimes people come into your life and you're like, hey, you know, I'm going to go this avenue. Do you think part of it is because you're super sad from the prior breakup and you're trying to fast track the sadness by being happy with someone else?

That's a really good question. It looks like so good. You know what? I probably I wouldn't doubt that at all. But the reason why I cannot fully answer these questions is because I never took the time to reflect.

So we've taken the time to reflect now. Yes, this is our time, RPK. I would definitely say that. You know, I mean, now I'll have my moments alone to where I can reflect on, you know, me individually, but when I was, you know, dating and doing stuff like that, you know, that pause, looking back, it was necessary

. And I would have if I could speak to my younger self, I would say, take the time. You take the month, take the two months, go on a trip, go by yourself. You know what I mean? Just to tell.

Yeah, to cry aside. Music, be sad sometimes therapies. It's OK. It's OK to be sad because you just have to feel your feelings. Get through it. Yeah. And you eventually will. Like you're not going to be sad forever, even though it feels sometimes like what am I going to do?

Like, I get it. You know, that can make you really sad for a long time, but. You know, you got to move on. You got to invent. You have to. You have to. So time heals all wounds. It really does.

It doesn't. But it's a true saying time. Does he always, like you be sad for a couple of months and then just one day you're like, well, I can open up the curtains again. You know, I can sing again.

I know. I know. I was big for me when I was when I broke up, when I was going through a breakup, I couldn't sing. Wow. Really? No, I couldn't sing. I couldn't listen to some music. And then there was just one day I was like, I want to sing anything on this and I want to dance

. Absolutely, you know, the joy finds its way back. It does. It does. It does. A sharp salute. I agree with that. Have you ever broken up with someone? Yes. OK. Yes. Yes, I like. I mean, give me the juice.

It was always under the lines of like, you know, I think we're in different spaces. You know, I think we're on different pages right now. It's probably best that we're just friends or, you know, I try to be responsible.

Yeah. Still, you know, if you just feel like, you know, it's not working out anymore, it's just not working out anymore, you know? Yeah. All you can do is is just try to let them down softly and kindly.

They probably see it coming, though. Yeah, I feel as though people see it come. Yeah. You know, if you didn't see it coming, then you weren't really paying attention to the signs in your relationship. Have you broken up?

Yes, I have. I care to share. Does a breakup happen? Do you think a breakup is supposed to happen within one conversation or should it take a few? Again, it depends, because some people you break up and they don't want you to go.

So you may reconsider, you're like, OK, well, maybe, you know, here's you tell them, well, here's the steps that you have to take for us to get back together. Yeah. And then if they make those steps, I feel like you kind of have to give them a chance because you can be like, oh, you know, do this

, you know, cross this bridge, you know, and you're like, oh, no, I didn't mean that. You're supposed to. No, I'm not. But you got to kind of I don't know. Get it. Now, that makes sense. That makes sense.

Yeah. It's probably a lot harder to when you live with somebody breaking up with somebody, there's levels to this. Very true. You live together. Do you just if you're living with me and I break with you, I need you to leave the next day.

Oh, I can't be in the house of you. Oh, yeah. You get one room. No. Yeah. No, you're gone. You're gone. Gone. I'll give you a week. A week. I can't I feel I really feel as though when you break up with someone, you need to just cut ties, OK?

And it's it's tough. It's sucky, but you need to just cut ties so that you can heal so you can start the process. And that's sometimes healing brings you back together. And then sometimes healing is like, you know what, I really don't want to be with you anymore.

Yeah. Oh, that's sad. It is a superset, but it's true. Well, see your father breakup song. Oh, yeah, I would definitely say either. Was it best thing I ever had? Beyonce. Yeah, and me, myself and I.

Yeah, well, you know, go back to the best thing. The line there's a line in that song that I love. Say it coming. Thank God I found the good in goodbye. Oh, oh that. Oh, I used to listen to that song.

That part. I used to turn it all the way in which I could see that. Thank God I found the good. Because there really is sometimes when I think most of the time, if you've made a decision to say goodbye to someone, that means your heart likely doesn't want it anymore.

And there is a good in that goodbye. That's very true. There's a lot of good breakup songs out there, though. Me, myself, and I have a good one. I know you mentioned I love that song. That's a good one.

The song has a few. She has a lot. She has a few. Irreplaceable. You must not know about me. Hello. I'm going to have another you in a minute. Yeah. Matter of fact, you'll be here in a minute.

Why not? Let me break a song I think is on Break My Heart by Toni Braxton. Oh, my goodness. I think that's the ultimate that's a good one breakup song. That's a good one. What immediately I think of the music video, like when she had that fro and she was in that gown and she was remember, cutouts

. Oh, my goodness. Gorgeous. The cut out on the sides. You know who's doing that right now? I think it's Balmain , that length, that fashion line, doing the cut outs on the sides. But anyways, so.

Yes, yeah, that's a good song. You get good at oh, Amy Winehouse, Back to Black, that whole album. The whole album. I mean, Lauryn Hill, X Factor. Oh, yeah, that whole album, like. Oh, my goodness. That's a good one.

I can just hear the songs in my head. They make those songs, those emotions they get really. They get you throw, but they they make for really good, heartfelt music. Larry J. Blaze has the ultimate oh my goodness gracious songs to Mary, too.

That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to put together a little playlist for the people that are going through break ups. You know, that's what we should do that. That's good. I'm sure if you Google, there's a bunch of playlists.

Yeah, but they don't have the .... That's true. Break up. Yo, yo, yo. You heard of that before. So have you ever gone back with an ex? Yes. So, you know, I met my husband when I was younger.

You were together for like a year and then we broke up. You know, I was still in high school. He was in school. We totally went our separate ways for years and years, you know, but we kind of always kept in touch, you know, and we got back together.

You know, so they can come around sometime, make a deal breaker. You make a break up, you know. This is like I was saying, was with Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. Like sometimes you have to get things out of your system and get get yourself right for them again.

Meeting them down the line. You know, you're a different person. You know, I agree. Grown, you've grown up. It helps sometimes, you know. So that's happened. Yeah. So who had to win? Who back? Did you have to win him back or did he have to win you back?

Nobody won anybody back, to be honest with you. What happened was I was going out. It was a summer time and I had just had a breakup and I just needed to get away for a little bit. You know, like I was working for a private school at the time, and they just closed down.

So everybody got laid off. I had to breakup with my ex and I was just my mind was all over the place. And at the time, my then husband was living in L.A. and he was like, why don't you just come out here for a little while, like, you know, go to the beach every day and like

just hang out. And so I was like, OK. So I went out there and I never left, you know. And he ended up we ended up moving back back to the Bay Area. But that's kind of how that happened.

You know, we it wasn't even like, hey, we're going to this is going to be serious. We're going to do this right now. It's just kind of we're kind of just soothed into it. Yeah. Yeah. So that was nice.

Yeah, it was nice. That's good. Yes. Good. Yeah. So but there was pretty much no win in show. The back is just naturally happy. Yeah. It was the right place at the right time, you know. Yeah. I guess for me, I'm a big believer on the right place in the time it happens.

So now that you we've talked a little bit of people who get back together, when is it the best time to like call it quits? Like, oh, when will you. Dun dun, dun dun. Like, what are some examples of when you were in a relationship and you were like, you know what, we're trying to make it work

. And it did not work. We're done. Well, number one, you cannot be physically doing anything. You can't be violent. That is a huge no. So now, number one, that'll that'll be a Dundon situation for sure. And then. Sometimes I know that it's supposed to just be you and that other person.

But hopefully you get along with their family because family can also play a big role in you being done. Done. I've had that situation before. You know what I'm thinking about? What's your bird? Oh, oh, my God. Remember my birth?

Yes, I remember your word. Oh, I meant listen, I had this. Oh, my God. Why didn't you bring this up? Because I just got. Oh, my goodness. But again. Oh, OK. So I had I had this little bird I had.

Her name was Kitty in this cage. And my ex at the time, we were staying with his family. And I honestly feel like his dad did not like me. And I honestly feel like he let my bird out of the cage.

I came home and my bird was like on a tree. So I pulled up and I was like, oh, my God. And I remember calling my bird, trying to get my bird back down to the kids. I was like, come here.

It was it was. And she never came back. She never came back. She flew away. I know. I know. You were so sad. You were like bawling. I was bawling. I love that little bird boy. So family. Yeah.

You like my bird, ...? OK, I'm back from that. I know. No, no, no. But yes, that that that definitely plays a part. Hopefully the families get along. But if not, that could be a reason to be Dun Dun.

...is is a reason to be to be done. You know, I've been in a situation where I was cheated on and I wasn't done. Yeah, I didn't. I before I got into the relationship, I was like, if anyone ever cheats on me, yeah, it's done.

But I didn't follow through with that. Easier said than done. Easier said than done. But looking back, I actually think that should should have been a done. But I think it obviously does depend everyone's different. But for me, I would say that it should be done.

So going forward now, I I'm assuming if that ever happened, you'd be like going forward now because I'm older and wiser, more mature and I know what I want. Yes, I think we have an episode coming up about cheating.

Yeah. So we can touch about that a little bit later. But to me, cheating is actually a form of emotional abuse. Wow. Yeah, I believe that cheating is a form of emotional abuse. That is very interesting. So we can touch on that.

 Well, yeah. Yeah, that's in that box. Yeah, absolutely. OK, that's that's an interesting one. That's very interesting. So once you call it a dun dun. Right. Who has called it a done done? Courtney, Courtney and Scott, Courtney and Scott.

They call it a whole bunch of get it back, getting back, parting ways, get inside. And now they're Dunton and she just on Instagram just loving it. Travis Yes-Man. Every time I see a picture of them on like they just had sex, they're always they're all over each other, all each other, the energy.

I don't know what star signs. Well, horoscopes, whatever they have. But the energy, you can feel it. You can you can feel the energy. They have a very. Yeah. So I wonder if. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes I feel like there's a little bit of love bombing in there and be careful with that one.

Love bombing is serious. It really is. That's a you know, if somebody's all all of the sudden automatically they're just like, oh, well, you know, to to soon, that's a red flag for me. It's a red flag. But it's it's hard sometimes.

I know to notice it. Because you want to be loved. Yeah. And, you know, you want someone to say, I'm going to do all of these things for you. But again, if it's too much, too soon. You got it in trouble.

You can get in trouble is too much of a high. You going to have a very, very hard low? Oh, no. Yeah, that's very true. Very true. But hopefully there's not that going on there. And they just have a lot of great energy.

A lot of fun. Yeah, it looks like a lot of fun for sure. That it looks like a lot of fun. Yeah. So we'll see. We'll see. We'll see how that turns out. So now that you have broken up completely with someone, you haven't, take your time to your breakup's.

But do you said you kind of regret not taking some time. How long would you say someone should take after a breakup before they got to the person next. You take as much time as you need. It could be, I would say, a good.

Thirty days, at least at least, I think it depends on how long you've been with someone, because 30 days is a very short time. So it is a very short time. Well, let me tell you what I heard.

I heard this one little thing that I heard. OK, so it was like and I'm not going to repeat that the way word for word is what it is, but it was like the duration of the time that you were with that person.

It takes half of that time to get over them. So if you're with somebody for six years, I know I don't like this. It takes you like three years. I don't like that's. Now, I don't know if there's any truth to that, but maybe now not saying that you.

It might take if you're with somebody for six years and it takes you three years to get over them because you were with them. So they said half the time. I don't think that's a bad amount of time.

You can still move on. You can still build yourself and be a better person and still like be sad about what happened with that situation. And that can last for a long time. That could last for years. It could.

But it doesn't mean that you're going to go back. It doesn't mean anything like that. My last breakup, I purposely took a long time before I dated anyone else. How long? OK. How long did I feel comfortable to actually like going they didn't ask on dates yet.

Other people, let's see, maybe two years. Oh, good. Yeah. And I made that decision just because I had a newborn. I had a newborn when I broke up with the last person. And then also, I knew that if I got with someone too quick, I would be like, oh, we get married, we fall in love.

Oh, I would I would have just been like, so you have been love bombing? I would he probably would have love on me because he would have been like, oh, OK. She's hella vulnerable. Yeah. You know, I was just in a very vulnerable place.

And I know that if I had just gotten with anyone who gave me any type of attention. Right, I would have had trauma, trauma, bond. And I think that's another thing, that it would have been a bonding experience based off the trauma, because I would just be happy to have someone that loves me.

Ah, says they love me, are like me, are just paying me attention. So I made it a point to not date, not entertain anyone. I like that for for at least I think it was around two years very much.

And, you know, I did a lot of therapy during that time that that's great. A lot of therapy. That is really good. And just kind of stayed with myself because I never actually lived with myself as an adult.

Wow. That was my first time living with myself as an adult. And I was like, you know what, I need to just get to know me. My my whole identity was formed from from a teenager. So at that time, based on a relationship.

Yeah. So it was hard for me to even really know what do I really like, what what don't I like? And those are all things that I really was anxious to learn about myself. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes complete sense.

And finding a hobby is a good thing, too. I think hobbies will get you through anything, really. And you know, what I've noticed is hobbies and and passion. You know, you have to have a passion for something. Yeah.

A lot of people in this world don't know what their passions are or really what their hobbies are. I remember when I was working, I would I asked my my boss before I was like, so what are you what do you like to do?

You know, what do you like to do by yourself? She was like, I don't know. And I'm like, what do you mean you don't know? She probably didn't give her time. Give herself time to figure that out, because, you know, work if you're working all the time and you're just busy, busy, busy, busy, busy.

You're not taking that time to just stop and think and find what you love to do. That's so important. Important. If you haven't done it after this podcast, I want you to sit and think to yourself. Yeah, what do I love to do?

What do I really love to do? And what has to be something that you can you know, not necessarily you have to do it on your own, but something that you can just do, you know? Yeah. And your leisure time.

In your leisure time. You know, I agree that I'll get you through a lot, though, I'm telling you. So we've basically come to the consensus that it really depends on you when to date again. Yeah, absolutely. It depends on you.

Depends on you. It depends on the reason. It depends on how long you guys were together in the first place. You know, all of that stuff goes into play. And that's why you have to be careful with taking sometimes relationship advice, because it doesn't necessarily always you know, they're not necessarily speaking to you in particular.

It might not be your situation, you know, coming from somebody who's been married and this and that, talking to someone who's just dating a guy that's been that's going to be different type of advice for sure. You know, so be mindful of that.

But I do think it is a healthy practice to not relationship hop, don't relationship shop and get a hobby, get a hobby, HOPPEN, hobby therapy, all those things. Yeah, for sure. You know, and taking time alone self heal.

What about read self-help books? A bunch of stuff. Yeah, you can do. Yeah. Bunch of stuff. And don't feel some type of way when your ex moves on you OK. Don't even don't. And it's not even healthy to keep looking back.

If you guys like Instagram, don't do that. Don't do it. Don't do that to yourself. You know what I think is this cut everyone off that was around them, cut their family off, cut them at all, cut it.

Because, you know, I well, again, this is just my opinion. Yeah, give it I prefer a clean break. I don't want to see no one that has any connection with you. I don't want unless obviously, you know, you got kids, whatever.

Right. That's different. Grandparents, obviously, you've got to keep them. Those are all things that are a little different. Right. But friends, you don't need to be talking to their friends unless they're like, really? Your friends do. But no.

Yeah. Cut it off. Yeah. That's not that doesn't need to be a gray area. Just cut them off. But don't don't do that. And we were friends first, you know, like. You're my friend. I don't need you to be.

Don't do that. No, don't don't do that to me because it's too many memories. It's a lot of memories. Yeah. And reminders. And you don't know what the other person is saying about you to them and the things that they have to fester.

You know, when they're talking to you, it's kind of like I don't even want you to be in that situation anyway. Mm. That's such a good point. Just go, go, go. Be the friend. They'll be their friend. You know, I've had in with breakups, I've had like sometimes their friends say, you know what happened?

Yeah. Message me, huh? And I'm like, I don't care to tell you what happened. Yeah. You can go and take your friend's story. I don't need to prove my site. Oh, wow. You can just take your friend's story and you can run with it.

You call me, says it's because I'm about to cut you out. You out? OK. Just buy right out through. And I agree. I agree. I agree with that. I totally agree. Yeah. I don't need to prove myself. I know why I broke up with someone.

Yeah, I know why I chose where. Maybe if they broke all of me, we know why we exited the situation. Whatever it is. I don't need to continue to traumatize myself by continuing to tell every person this story.

That's true. I know what it is. Absolutely. No, I got it. I totally get that. So I remember when I was thinking about breaking up with someone, there's always the fear of unknown. Yeah. Put you in an interesting space, the fear of not knowing how you're going to be after the breakup.

Like if you guys share a house, how are you going to pay the bills? Just the routine. I mean, you really you get used to living and being with somebody. Mhm. It's it's scary to think like, OK, now what am I going to do?

But, you know, only one way to find out, you know, you got a job, you have to. Yeah. Some people don't make that jump though, because they they they are fearful. You know, some people are like, who's going to love me?

Yeah. Yeah, you have. And you built this whole life. And it's it's a very scary thought. It is a very scary thought. But I'm sure someone will love you. Someone will absolutely love you. Oh, my gosh. I feel like I should insert a song here, but I can't think of one right now.

But someone will definitely love you, love you like you know, someone loved you before. Mhm. Someone will love you and you have to love you. That's that's it. You love you, OK? Yes. You love you. You love you.

So, yeah, I mean, it just it all really depends. But at the end of the day, you have your hobbies, you have your therapy. You love you. You love you. You should be good. Should be good. I'm telling you.

So we move on to our the queens truth. Yes. Yes. Question. Yes, let's do some questions. Stephanie got some questions for us, hopefully. These questions are crazy,. Oh, yeah, I'm in a PG show today, guys. Oh, yes.

Last week, look, I was not we were not ready, but I love those ones. That will that was yeah, that was that was a lot of fun, but it was a lot of fun. And we'll throw that stuff in there every now and then.

You know for sure. For sure we're grown. Yes. OK, all right. Let's see. Yeah, I'm going to go for the bull. The queen's truth. Yes. I don't know who we'll call that segment that the queen of truth. Oh, have you ever broken up or had someone break up with you via text or social media?

Oh. Oh, wow. No. No, no, I think it's always been like a conversation on the phone, maybe, OK, OK, or face to face. My my first high well, as I used to live in London. So you call it secondary school, but high school, I guess I want to call it love, you know, like whatever.

Yes. He broke up with me by text. He did. And I was so distraught. It was over summer. No, they only want to see you in school. Are you, Brooke? Anything? Why? I can't remember what the text was, but I was I remember I was so distraught.

Oh, my little my little teenage hearts. I know. Well, teenage love, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But now, thinking back, I don't know. Not in an adult life. I've never had someone break up with me by text or social media.

That's that's a copout. I'd be livid. Let's leave it. But. It was just someone you were talking to for like a month or two. Oh, yeah. And you know, I'm sure that that's probably normal, but it was like a rare relationship.

Are you going to break up with me by text? Our social media. That's a copout. You need to just call me. Let's face time. You better come over and have the conversation with me. Face-To-Face. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

But you to I think I think people need closure. I know sometimes we don't get it, but I think closure is good. It yeah, it helps. Yeah, it helps with healing, but it's not necessary. But it helps. OK.

What are the what are the top three reasons to break up with someone else with this expeditiously abuse? Yeah. Abuse of any kind. Not just physical, emotional abuse, you know, physical abuse, whatever the mental. I feel like emotionally mental is in the same thing.

Yeah. It's all into the same category, I would say. Yeah. Under the same umbrella. That's a big deal. That's a big deal. I want to say cheating. That's true. Yeah, that's on there. I know people don't break off people over cheating, but I want to say cheating with.

Yeah. Expeditiously. Yes. That or that or a third one. Just the same goals. If you want to get married and they don't want to get married when of babies. They don't want two babies. I don't know if that's a breakup expeditiously.

You don't think so? Let me think. Maybe, but I don't I don't know if that's. I can't think of a third one that's expeditious. If they are thief, I'll go to jail. Or if they commit suicide, why a crime?

I'm like, I ain't trying to be visiting you. A crime is a good one. Yeah. You're not going to be on mob wives. You're not going to be visiting them. No, I'm moving on. What have you is trying to snag like a gold necklace of like all kind of diamonds for you.

What if it was a heist? No, I never told you to do that. You never said I'm not an accessory to your crimes, so you never know. Okay. No. If you got a steal, don't come around me. You need to have some type of money.

I mean, that's come around me. I don't want no thief. Oh, my goodness, I mean, OK, now that's good. That's a good one. That's a good one. I want you to be a stand up guy. Absolutely. You know, respectful crime.

Yeah. We'll get you broken up with expeditiously. Well, no police on my house. No, we don't want. No. We're really. Wow. Like a cop car. Look, do you have a lot. What you. You know, no, I remember. No.

Play with me. Best breakup song. Irreplaceable Christmas and break my heart. Which one? I just depends. Both of them are great. No. I would if I had to choose. If I had to choose, I would say irreplaceable, because irreplaceable makes me feel like I can get off the couch and do so.

Oh, and break my heart will keep me on the couch crying. It's a very sad one. You know, you're right. And I don't want to I don't want to dwell. Yeah. Three tips for a healthy relationship. Oh, I like that.

That's a good one. Communication. But like effective communication, not like you just talking. You're not listening, the other person's not listening. Like real effective communicator communication. Yeah. Admiring that person and really knowing what gets that person to be happy or to be like knowing what kind of gets them going.

Yeah, I like that. Another one. I don't know. Let's see. Consistency. I need you to be consistent. That's a great one. Yeah, I love consistency. If you call if you calling me every day, huh? And then you just start calling me.

And then you just start back. I'm confused. That's why you have to when you're dating, I think consistent people show their best side, of course, for the first few I don't know. What do they say, like three months?

I don't know how long they're saying, yeah, well, can hold that up. But yeah, after the drop off, that's when you really want to start paying attention. So don't put your don't get too deep. Don't get too attached to attach too fast, because that could not really be them.

That could be the version that they want to be and that they're showing you. But consistency is really like honestly, that's one of my top top predictors for me. If I if I'm really interested in someone, because I've had situations which was very inconsistent and it made me even more anxious.

I'm more nervous. And then when I've had someone who was consistent, it's nice because I don't I don't have to like second guess what they're doing. I know that that why they're doing what they're doing, because they're really interested in me and they're they're interested in my well-being slightly.

Absolutely. Yes. OK, good one. Yes, I like that. Great question. Yeah, see? Oh, it's your turn. Okay. Okay, let's see. Make up to break up sex. I thought you said this was a PG, but it's true. OK. OK.

Make up to break up sex. Is that a thing? Like if that's the thing, if if you do that like. It depends. It depends on what? Sometimes you just I don't know. I got to get out of your system.

Got to get a system. I don't know if that's going to bring you guys back to get it shouldn't. It's probably really great, but that shouldn't be the reason why you guys get back together. You know, if you have good you know, it's always going to be good.

That shouldn't be the reason why you guys get back together, though. Sometimes it confuses you. I think so. I personally think. You should not have sex with them. Yeah, until you guys decide that you're back together. Yeah, because sex confuses the entire situation.

It really does. Like you don't need those gray areas because you're not just in a relationship to have sex, are you? And if you are, then and I mean, that's fine. But if I want a real long lasting relationship and we break up.

Unless you broke it, because the reason was sex. Yeah. But then I don't think I would be with you for that long. Yeah. If that was the reason. Right. But I'm assuming we broke up for other reasons. I need those reasons to be resolved before you get back into my bed.

Right. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So yeah. If breakup sex, you know, it sounds great. It looks cool in the movies and stuff like that when they're like, oh, you know, but really thinking about that, I don't think that that's the best idea.

No. And then when you have sex with them, then the issues are still there. Yeah, they're still there. And then I'm going to be like, oh, if I feel stupid, and then you've got to be like, are you leaving?

Yeah. Because you didn't fix up that we talked about. Right. You know, you're back to square one. You know that. You know that doesn't help. No, it really doesn't help. So. Oh, when does a make up to break up become toxic, huh?

That's a good one. Ooh. So basically, if you're making up breaking up all the time, of course, there's healthy situations sometimes with that. But when does it become toxic? It becomes toxic when I think that, you know, deep down, you really need to pay attention to yourself.

It becomes toxic when you just keep going back and you guys aren't changing anything and your needs are not being met. Yeah, it's like you're just going round and round. There's no that's like insanity, you know, don't do that to yourself if nothing's changing.

Why are you going to keep breaking up? But, you know, people get attached. It's hard, sometimes hard to break, but if you guys can say, you know what, I'm done with this, if you guys can get that far to say that, then you just need to get strong enough to leave it.

Like leave it like that,. You know, don't leave the door open. Don't don't be Bruno Mars time pill. I'm only that. Oh, OK. I love that song. I don't know the words. Oh, what you do when you don't.

Oh, you got plans. Oh, they'll say it. So it's your trap. I don't really know the words. Don't leave the door open. Close the door. Leave the door. Lock the door. Yeah. OK, bolt the door. But we know it's hard.

I'm a both Adobe. You know what I mean? Like, do that. Do that. Don't leave it open. Yeah. That does not help any way. Anyone. And you know what I want? I guess it depends. But there's really no certain number on how many times is enough.

But I would say maybe like after three. That's enough. Like I'm not about to keep we're not three. Just even sounds like a lot to me. Yeah, it does. I'm like, yes, that's a lot. Yeah. It's just. Why are we doing this?

Let's just move on. Thanks for calling. Yeah, it does. It makes for a really good sign. Yes. Jot that down. Yes. So, no, I agree with that. Breaking up is hard. I completely get it. No one wants to be unhappy.

No one wants to be sad. But remember, there really is a light at the end of the tunnel. Yeah. Like for real. There really is. There really is. Yeah. And don't be fooled at the end if he starts to get extravagant gifts and stuff like that.

Be doing the back. All right. Despite all this land for you. Oh, what's that? Who's that? We're not going to say the names because we I can't remember. But be careful with those things. But I did read that story about a celebrity when they they bought a lot some land or whatever, a whole bunch of land.

I think they're still together. I don't know the grounds of why, but extravagant gifts work for some people, though. They do work. They don't work for me. No, no. That's like a little Band-Aid. It's a it's a nasty Band-Aid.

It's a nice. Well, in fact, it's the wound. But imagine like if like if did you as your ex and he was like, I just got you a trip to, I might have to make an exception. I'm saying that's not a nasty Band-Aid.

You know, it it seems like the ultimate boyfriend, though. He seems like the ultimate boyfriend, ultimate expert, ultimate ultimate baby daddy. I mean, all his baby mom seems to be very happy. Yeah, you're going to he has great places.

Yeah, he he would be an exception, actually. Probably. He seemed like a smooth talker. He does. And when we interviewed. I just feel like he's really going to like let us in on how and why he does things the way that he does.

Yeah. And I can't wait for that. I think a lot of men should learn some stuff from him. Yeah. We're going to ask him if we're going to find out. We'll find out sooner than later. Mark our words.

I think that that's it for this. Yes. Yes. Make up to break up. Make up to break up. If you would like to have questions with us or any more questions you want to ask us or advice or anything like that.

Yeah. You guys can reach us at Queens of the Feather Dot podcast on Instagram or you can email us at questions at Queens of Queensland. Feather dot com. Either one either or both. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. I think that we're going to end that out.

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