Episode 14: Tinder Swindler Pt 1

Episode 14: Tinder Swindler Pt 1

In this episode we recap our thoughts on the Netflix documentary, Tinder Swindler. Did you watch it? If so, what did you think? Are there any circumstances where you would loan a new partner money? What makes a dating profile swippable? Are you open to dating outside your race? We discuss this and so much more in this new episode of Queens of a Feather. Part 2 of our conversation will drop next Thursday. 

This episode contains spoilers of the Netflix documentary, Tinder Swindler. 
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Transcript

Transcript was autogenerated. Therefore some text may be incorrect. 

* MUSIC * 

Once again, you just look, I know you get it, so we give it the chills. Hello. Hi. Thanks. Welcome back, everybody. Hi, mic check. mic check. One, two, one, two. The Queens are back in the building. The building. The building. Building.

00:00:34:26 - 00:00:54:25
Unknown
Yes, that was good. Yeah, I like that. So, guys. Hello. How was the week? How was it? How has your days gone? You know, we are genuinely concerned for some of you concerned. Some of you were just super happy. For some of you. I don't understand what's going on. Yes.

00:00:57:19 - 00:01:22:08
Unknown
You need to be tuning into our stuff more often, folks. Yes. Please support. You know what we are going to challenge you to share at least with two of your friends. Oh, I like that. Yes, I like that word of mouth. It goes a long Most people use your mouth. Use your mouth. Okay. What are your fingers? Yeah.

00:01:22:11 - 00:01:41:06
Unknown
Either one works for us. Yes. Well, we hear word of mouth, so that's our challenge when you listen. Share with two of your friends and then challenge them to share with to their friends. Boom. And let's see what happens then. I promise you we will. Thank you when we get our award at the podcast award shows. Okay. I can't wait till we go to that.

00:01:41:06 - 00:02:08:11
Unknown
I know we're not. We're not inviting us to this. No, we're not invited yet. Yet, though. You guys want to see us? Oh, my goodness. So it's an award show. I can't even imagine. I can I know. Me, too. I know. It's nothing to do with it. I. So today, actually. Yeah, after the taping today, we are going to this bomb restaurant sourced soft soy soy sauce in Walnut Creek.

00:02:08:14 - 00:02:31:14
Unknown
Walnut Creek. Oh, my goodness. So it's basically like a barbecue spot. Hmm. And they just. They do it up. They do their burnt end. Delicious there. What is it? Pork belly burn. And we're getting it all. We're going to get pork belly burnt ends. Regular burnt ends. I don't know. Yeah. What type the regular ones are, I think.

00:02:31:14 - 00:03:00:00
Unknown
Are we going to do ribs? Yeah. Girl here, we're going to do ribs here, and there is going to be three meats three that like. No. One time I texted you, she knows I was like, do you want to get five guys? She was like, What? I was like, Yeah, a little wild. She was like, the burger. The burger place.

00:03:00:09 - 00:03:20:25
Unknown
So I didn't know I guys if you guys don't know, it's a restaurant that has burgers. Yeah, it has hot dogs. My son loves the hot dog. Yes. Yes, I know. I have had their hot dogs. I don't just I don't buy hot dogs. Are they? He loves them. Those downtown loves their hot dogs. Kids like that stuff.

00:03:20:27 - 00:03:39:09
Unknown
Their fries are amazing. Really? You have you had five guys. I have it. It was, like, so long ago, I'd have to go back. Oh, my gosh. I have to go back there. Fries are delicious. There's a meme that says what phrase come in these bag. In this bag, it's a brown bag and it's hella oily. And that's the five guys.

00:03:39:09 - 00:03:59:29
Unknown
Five guys, you know? Yeah, the fat guys. Fries. Yes. That means you need to go more often. That's what that is telling me. That'll be the next stop shop. Yeah. It's super delicious. Super delicious. Well, and we're going to report back on how our visit to sauced goes was thought. I'm still delicious. We're going to get mac and cheese.

00:04:00:17 - 00:04:19:16
Unknown
And they have cornbread. She loves why? I love the part that's. Yeah, they have. They just their menu is just amazing. You get a chance to just look at it. Just look at it. Yeah. The burnt ends, I think is the best. Yeah, they're known for that. And that's why you can't order like you can't a double. Yeah, because they're that good.

00:04:19:16 - 00:04:43:10
Unknown
They're not much of demand, you know, they're like, no. Yeah, they restrict but they better not restrict the pork belly and the pork belly. Yeah, because I'm not. I'm not playing around. No. Okay, those are three meats. Three meats, five guys yeah. So that's what we're going to do after this. Yes. This just happened today, so we'll keep you guys posted.

00:04:43:12 - 00:05:07:19
Unknown
Mhm. Wow. Oh, Dominique met my gardener. I did. I was like outside. You got to see him. I said grow your binoculars. Let me see He's such a cutie. He has a nice smile. He seems very nice. He's very nice. He seems very, very nice. Good energy. He's. Yes, yeah, he's very polite, very soft spoken. And beautiful smile.

00:05:07:19 - 00:05:28:00
Unknown
Yeah. And anything. I'm like, hey, I need this done. Like, he's, he's done. He's. He's a good gardener. Yeah. How did you how did you find him? I went on a next door app. I'm not sure if anyone. Oh, sure. Do you have you heard him next? No. No. So next, our app is for neighborhoods. So basically sometimes you'll have the.

00:05:28:00 - 00:05:47:11
Unknown
Oh, I just saw someone driving around a couple of times. Guy is. He's in this car. Oh, you're on the lookout. Sometimes you'll see those type of posts. Oh, and then sometimes you'll see like, hey, yeah, this is a good. I need a good gardener. Provide some recommendations. Provide recommendations. Yeah. And then, like, sometimes it's simple stuff. Like, Hey, I'm giving away this.

00:05:47:11 - 00:06:07:01
Unknown
Come to my house so you can get it. So, yeah, it's like a neighborhood. Oh, I like that neighborhood app. I like that a lot. That's nice. Yeah. Convenient, I'm sure. Yeah, so that's how I found him. Okay. He was a recommendation, right? He's been and been doing his thing. Yeah. Yeah, he does. A very good job. I really like driving around.

00:06:07:01 - 00:06:35:07
Unknown
I've said I got the best front yard in town. I got the best friend I got into. Oh, I love my God. And he'd be doing that. Dillon, my front gate. Hey, hey. Yeah, yeah, that. That girl did that gas. Yeah. So today's topic though, um, is on the well, not just this person, but the tender swindler swindler yes.

00:06:35:07 - 00:06:55:19
Unknown
We're going to have a whole dating man. Yeah, I'm going to get it in today with that. Yeah, so we can. We'll start with the tender swindler. You watch. Yeah, so it's on Netflix. It's on Netflix. It's the documentary. It's like less than 2 hours long. Yeah. So if you haven't watched it, you're going to hear spoilers. Yes. Just so you know.

00:06:55:19 - 00:07:19:09
Unknown
So if you want to pause, go watch it and then come back. Yeah, that's totally fine. But we thought it was a really, really good documentary. I was just blown away at how people are sometimes into some con artists out there are just really good at getting people. Yeah. Mm. You know, because I was okay. So basically, it's this, this guy.

00:07:19:13 - 00:07:43:21
Unknown
Yes. Pretended to be the son of some like family. That kind of that is Damon. You watched something with Damon some of the time. It's right. And he even, like, took their last name and like, and he had photoshopped pictures of himself with the family. If that ain't crazy, cray cray, like, he formulated this whole persona. Yeah, yeah, he really did.

00:07:44:00 - 00:08:03:18
Unknown
I think they sell. They they sell. Damon's something like that with the diamonds. But I heard that they just now they're finally suing him. They got the station because I'm like, you can't not. You can just take some of his last name, like. Yeah. So, you know, it's it's so hard. I feel sometimes to scam people because I think eventually you catch on.

00:08:03:25 - 00:08:29:18
Unknown
Yeah. Well, with him, he he had everything. Like, he had the lifestyle, you know, he would meet them at expen massive hotels. He would pretty much love bombed them from the beginning. You a wine and dine them in the beginning. So in their minds, they're like, wow, he's amazing. He's amazing. And when they Googled him, it had like a website of this company that he owns with that about diamonds.

00:08:30:19 - 00:08:51:26
Unknown
So like, it was kind of hard for people, I think. Yeah. Realized that they were being conned by him because how are you going to Google somebody and get their past when you don't even know their real name? Exactly. So he had a fake name. He was using a fake name. Yeah, that is so true. That's hard. And so my thing is like his start to even getting there.

00:08:52:08 - 00:09:18:13
Unknown
I'm wondering like the, the, the, the process in the beginning, because he eventually obviously he got to a point to where he was using so many women that he would take that money and use it on this girl, that money used on this girl. And that money is you know what I mean? It was all just like trickling down, you know, basically take money from one person he was dating and how he would take money wasn't he wouldn't like start off asking them for money.

00:09:18:23 - 00:09:42:28
Unknown
He would start off wining and dining them. And then he would say, my enemies, my enemies, enemies are going to attack me are they're doing this to me. And he would send this picture of him and his bodyguard. Yes. Like, messed up. And he's like my bodyguard. But these are just the my enemies just attacked us and you know, they're they we need money to do this.

00:09:42:28 - 00:09:59:09
Unknown
I mean, we need money to do that. Open out alone here. He would tell them not to do it. Like, so alone here. I need like 20,000 and then I'll give it back to you. And because they were, they saw this lavish life in their minds, they're thinking he's good for it. He's good for it. Yeah. He'll give me back my money.

00:10:00:19 - 00:10:21:12
Unknown
And he would go on private jets with them. So it will be like he'll take money from one person, go on private jets, go on vacations have these lavish places that he was living, and then he would take the new person on all of these things with him. Oh, my goodness. Take money from them. And then go ahead and do it to the next person.

00:10:21:12 - 00:10:48:17
Unknown
Yeah, it's crazy. And so finally kind of caught up with him specifically with this one lady who, you know, she was in debt for like 250, 250,000 $250,000, which is, wow. I felt sad for her. I did two when she was explaining the story, though, she seemed so in love. And so it really broke my heart to see, like when the tables kind of turned and they turned when she was like, I need my money back.

00:10:49:05 - 00:11:00:24
Unknown
And she was like, then I saw a different side of him. It was really cold. He wasn't, you know, his normal self and everything stopped doing what he wanted. Yeah. So finally, when she was like you said you were going to do it, you said you were going to do it, he said, Are you going to do it?

00:11:00:24 - 00:11:21:19
Unknown
You know, obviously it's going to come to a halt, a crashed, you know, and how how did how did she get out of that? I think he was like, there are a consequence. There's a there's a reaction to so basically after she took out so many loans and she had I think she had like ten or 13 different companies calling her.

00:11:21:20 - 00:11:39:01
Unknown
Yeah. And he would keep saying like, I'm good for it. But she was just so deep into it, I think that she just she she didn't know I don't know how if she didn't know how to stop giving him money or. Yeah, she was just so in love with him. She thought. Yeah. And she called the police. She called the police.

00:11:39:01 - 00:11:55:23
Unknown
I think she did. Did she call the police? I don't know. I think she did. She talked to someone else, turned to the news. Yes. That's what it was. Yeah. She exposed him to the news. Yes. And then they kind of gave no, I think she did call the police. I think she did, too. Yeah, I think she did call the police.

00:11:56:26 - 00:12:17:19
Unknown
But because he started to threaten her. Mm. Oh yeah. That's what it was. Yeah. Yeah. But then she because she, she Sue said she was nervous because he knew where her mother yes, he he had her passport because what he did was he, he said that she was part of his company, and she just did a whole bunch of stuff.

00:12:17:20 - 00:12:34:28
Unknown
She didn't want a victim blame. Yeah, but she did a lot of stuff. The only, only reason why my perception of her kind of changed just a little bit as far as, like, feeling sorry for her was. Yeah. At the end when they were like, so, you know, are you, how do you feel about Tinder now? And she's like, oh, I'm right back on.

00:12:34:28 - 00:12:51:12
Unknown
There is, like she said, like, that next week I was right back on, on there. I was like, she didn't learn. She she didn't learn. She was like, I'm still looking for the lesson. I'm like, girl. But some people are just I don't know. You want to say you want to learn the hard way. That was a hard way.

00:12:51:12 - 00:13:06:21
Unknown
And she still didn't learn. She should have taken a break. She was like, No, I'm right back on the right back on that. She's so happy. I was like, Okay, but she got $250,000. She has to pay back, man. Yeah. And she has to pay that back. He went to jail. He did, but not for a long no.

00:13:06:21 - 00:13:25:19
Unknown
It was like six months he served because he conned other people. So other people came forward. There was even a friend. She wasn't even romantically involved with him. And he was able to con her. Yeah, he well, what he did was he, he took her pretty much on a summer fun vacation along with him and his girlfriend and other people.

00:13:26:04 - 00:13:44:02
Unknown
So she saw that he was spending all of this money. So in her mind, she's probably thinking, okay, he's good for it. He just needs some money here. I think she's she didn't give him as much money as the others. Not as much, but it was still. Yeah, at least up to 30,000. 50,000. Exactly. You know, she has to pay hers back to.

00:13:44:13 - 00:14:07:08
Unknown
Oh, that's just insane. It is insane. Don't do that. Don't do that. Okay. If someone is asking you for money, especially in the early stages, and I want to say is this for both sexes, like male, female and male, huh? I think so too. Yeah. So I don't think it matters if it's female and male, but if someone is asking you in the early stages for money, they're not interested in you.

00:14:07:08 - 00:14:34:14
Unknown
Yeah, I don't think so. I learned the hard way. That is a total red flag. Yeah. I even learned that recently. I would say. Yeah, yeah, they again. Yeah, I thought, I thought I thought I learned the lesson, but I think I told you you had a friend. Hmm. Mm hmm. And you know what? It's just unfortunate because you don't want to think that people that you associate with would do something like that.

00:14:34:21 - 00:14:52:19
Unknown
Take advantage you know what I mean? Because it's kind of like you wouldn't do that. Yeah. You know, so it's kind of hard to see, like, somebody, just like you're a person of a nice person. Like, yeah, could you do that to me? You know? And then sometimes I think. What did you do before you met me? Yeah.

00:14:52:19 - 00:15:13:11
Unknown
Where are your friends? Where's your family before you met me? Yeah. Why would you meet me and then ask me for money, for money or for other things? Why? Why didn't you ask? Right. Your friends are your family for those favors. That, to me, is is a weird logic. It is. So that tells me that you're using me, huh?

00:15:13:28 - 00:15:35:09
Unknown
You know, and that's what I think. Those girls kind of failed at spotting that spot in and, like, it's super hard. I I'm not victim blaming. I don't blame them. At all, because he really did put it on them in the beginning. Yeah. I cut you a text and call all the time. Yeah. He was consistent. He was very consistent.

00:15:35:09 - 00:15:56:22
Unknown
He was take them to like, you know, he would order a whole bunch of stuff at the restaurant and it's just like that person to order everything in the restaurant. No. And then just be like, buy these, like, you ordered everything here. Yeah. So you got to be really careful with that kind of stuff. It's scary. It's scary out here.

00:15:57:03 - 00:16:18:02
Unknown
It is very scary for sure. So I didn't know that Tinder was used, so that's how they found the guy because he's called Tinder Swindler. He was on Tinder swindling these women. These women. Uh huh. I, I don't know. Maybe because I'm old school, not really. What? Because I'm not old? I don't know. I don't know why I said that.

00:16:18:08 - 00:16:40:27
Unknown
I didn't know that Tinder was used for, like, relationships. I thought Tinder was a hookup hookup. Yeah. I thought people just went on Tinder and like, oh, let me find someone to fill. But now I'm seeing that. I guess it's for both, like, relationships relationships. Yeah. I don't think I'm a dry tinder, though. I think it probably says, like, you want something serious, you casual dating, you know what I mean?

00:16:40:27 - 00:17:01:06
Unknown
Like, I'm sure they have options to like who you're looking at, you know? But, yeah, Tinder. I always thought that that was a hookup app, too. I thought so. But now. Now we've learned. We have learned. It is not but, you know, ladies, I mean, and men and men. Don't be so naive. Yeah, I even think with with men, too.

00:17:01:06 - 00:17:25:25
Unknown
I don't think that you need to be giving women money. No, you just meet them, you know? I know some people might think differently. Yeah. You know, there might be kind of a gender bias with that but when you first meet someone, you don't need to be giving them no money. You'll have to be established. Yes. So. And you realize, like, this person, do not ask me for money or anything normally.

00:17:26:08 - 00:17:51:01
Unknown
So something has to be really wrong, and I'm a help help them out. Yeah. But, yeah, I give him money or nothing. To nobody. Okay. So when when you're looking at at profiles. Yes. And you're you're swiping, you know, to see whom your friends would be. I don't understand. You swipe left or right. Swipe left or right. I think that's right because it's like the right one.

00:17:51:06 - 00:18:12:16
Unknown
This is left, right I don't know. I don't even know how you do it. So why don't one of it's so yes or no. So let's just say yes or no. You swipe one of those ways, right? So what would make you swipe no on a guy versus swiping? Yes. Okay, so I'm not really into smokers. Okay. So the minute I see that you smoke, I don't care how cute you are.

00:18:12:21 - 00:18:31:23
Unknown
You're out. I'm out. It's a no. I don't know if it's left or right would you know? But how would you know? Like, it's like, oh, so most dating apps, like, they would have smoker and some people might specify if it's just weed. Okay. Some people will specify if it's cigarets. Okay, we'll talk to tobacco. Oh, that's good.

00:18:31:23 - 00:18:54:21
Unknown
I think that's how they would classify it. And it's some people will say non smoker. We would say crack and some of them have drugs. Wow. But it doesn't say what type of drugs what one would say drugs. And you say yes or no, but it doesn't say, well, oh, my God. Yeah. So that's why if you if and again, everyone's different both for me, I'm not really a fan of smokers.

00:18:54:21 - 00:19:15:15
Unknown
So if, if it's a smoking situation, I don't care how cute you are is an instant. No, it's a no for me. What if it was Diddy? It's a no for me. Wow. He did it. If it's cigars, it might be different. Okay. Yeah, it's kind are rough though, boy. Maybe not smell so bad. I don't know. Well, none of them then.

00:19:15:17 - 00:19:30:08
Unknown
Yeah. Yeah, I was just thinking cigars. You know, it's pretty rare that they don't that maybe they just do it when they're out with friends. I think so. I think that's kind of how that goes. Yeah. So that's what I was thinking. Cigars might be okay. Yeah. As long as you don't, like, reek of Cigarets, I don't know, but.

00:19:30:18 - 00:19:53:01
Unknown
But that's a good one. That's a good reason to say I'm not doing it. Yeah. Also, if your profile doesn't specify. So the dating apps I've been on, you can. You can say if you want a relationship if you want marriage, if you want casual dating or if you're not sure. So some people, some anyone who indicates that they're not sure, I don't want you right because you don't know what you want.

00:19:53:23 - 00:20:15:04
Unknown
Yeah. And anyone who says casual dating, I don't want you because that's not what I want. But yeah, other people do totally fine. Yeah. Marriage can you you can say that. Wow. Yeah. But I kind of like that's a hard one because for me, because I don't want to go I don't I don't know if I want to get married again and I don't want to lead on someone, but.

00:20:15:04 - 00:20:30:13
Unknown
But those ones, you know. Yeah, I mean, it was a conversation. It is a conversation. And sometimes they just want to say, like, this is my end goal. Yes. You know, I'm not saying I want to marry you, but, you know, like, I do want to get married maybe. Right. You know, which is good to know. It's good to know.

00:20:30:13 - 00:20:56:00
Unknown
That your mind is there. Yeah. You know, so serious relationships is what I usually look for. Okay. This is another one. If you say you're an entrepreneur, I'm like, no, I'm like, what does that mean? Yeah. Yeah. Usually when they say that, they're like, well, I work for DoorDash. And I went at the bank and Chipotle. Exactly. It's like, yeah.

00:20:56:08 - 00:21:18:13
Unknown
So it depends. Like, if your profile is, is really depth and it has other stuff that I'm interested in, I might, you know, swipe. Yeah. Yes, yes. Okay. And then have a conversation later. But entrepreneur, I'm like, yeah, and unless specific, that's what it is that you do. I don't know. But I guess it also depends on the age bracket.

00:21:18:13 - 00:21:44:20
Unknown
If, if, if that's the case. True. If you really are an entrepreneur, then, you know, that's a step, you know, but musicians I kind of don't like really. You date a musician that's your only job. I need to know unless you're a musician or you're like a celebrity or something that's different. But if you're a musician, like, oh, just playing in clubs it's a no go.

00:21:45:08 - 00:22:13:02
Unknown
Oh, what if he's a producer? Yeah, maybe. You know, oh, boy. Yeah. I was someone who has a stable job. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm not saying that musicians, don't we? You know? Yeah, I'm too. I would classify myself as a musician, but I don't put musician on dating apps. I put where my what gives me my income. Yeah, yeah.

00:22:13:12 - 00:22:35:01
Unknown
I might put a picture of myself. Maybe I'm like, with the mic, you know, so that I'd say podcasts or I sing on the side, but I'm not. That's not what I'm going to lead with in regards to occupation. I wonder if guys would be a little intimidated knowing that you are on a podcast. I wonder. I don't know.

00:22:35:17 - 00:22:52:23
Unknown
You know, I haven't dated since we I haven't been on a dating app since we started. I could see I totally will talk about you. I was just going to say, like, he's just gonna be like, Are you going to talk to me? Yes, yes, yes, yes, I am. I am. I mean, why not? You know, I think it'll be fun.

00:22:52:23 - 00:23:09:09
Unknown
Why not? Some people would find that pretty cool, though, I think. I think so, too, I guess, you know. Oh, my God, he rocked my world last. I'm joking. I will never say that. I never say that. I'm going to fall out. If you do, that will be terrible. If I'm, like, bragging about him and then he has, like, a side piece.

00:23:09:11 - 00:23:26:11
Unknown
Oh, my gosh. What were we we were just talking about? Remember how delicious was with that guy, that loser? And then he kept saying that he was tired and she was like, we're not having sex anymore. And he's like, well, I'm tired. But then she found out that he had, like, other girls, I'm like, girl, that's why he was tired.

00:23:26:20 - 00:23:45:24
Unknown
Tired? Yeah, I. I don't feel terrible. How are you going to be tired? And then you doing stuff with other women? You during that? I know you just tired. You just disgusted in that crazy. That's weird. But yeah, but if you if. Okay, imagine you were on a date, and I know you've probably never even seen a dating app.

00:23:45:24 - 00:24:07:22
Unknown
No, no. Like, okay, what do you think you would say no? I would say no. First off, I'm looking at I guess this would really show off top, but if it is a picture with him smiling, you better have all your teeth. It should show off top if they have a picture of them smiling. Okay. Yeah. I need for you to I need that.

00:24:08:06 - 00:24:30:09
Unknown
I need you to have already in place. Yep. I think a turn off would probably be if your house looks crazy in the background. I do. Look at that, too. I'm looking. Yes, detail. Oh, I have a story about that. What kind of one? So I was talking to this guy from a dating app, and he looked, you know, the conversation was going well.

00:24:30:21 - 00:24:47:22
Unknown
So he asked me for my number. And, you know, after a couple of days, I'll take it off of the app, you know? Yeah. And I was. And normally I don't give my number. I give my Google number. Okay. I don't know if anyone knows what that is, but we're going to get into safety about dating. So I'll just say this right now.

00:24:47:22 - 00:25:21:26
Unknown
Google number is a number that you can get for free through Google. And basically you could choose the area code that you choose. 90, wow. Seven, whatever 5514155. You can choose in different area codes yeah. Yes. And it comes through your phone. So if someone calls you. Oh, your phone. Yeah. Because your phone number can be traced who anywhere especially like if you own a house because all that stuff is public knowledge.

00:25:22:00 - 00:25:40:26
Unknown
You own a house, your phone number will show up and then type it in. It will show your address oh. So you want to be very mindful. It shows your full name. Like my full name is very unique, so I get very cautious about sharing my full name even on dating apps, I put my nickname. I don't even put my, my, my first name.

00:25:40:27 - 00:25:58:26
Unknown
Yeah. So yeah. So he called. I gave him my Google number. Yeah. And he asked for a picture of me and sometimes people do that, okay, because they want to see a different picture than what you've posted on the app to see if you're a real person. Right? So that me, I was totally fine. So I sent him like a cool you know, fake shot.

00:25:59:10 - 00:26:34:08
Unknown
Whatever his picture he sent me was like him in a boxer. Oh, no, and it was kind of like pulled down a bit, and it was like, here no one. Oh, yeah. On top of, you know, in the in the groin. He didn't know the date. Not, but he showed up and the back ground was like, a bathroom and it did not look to my standard looks at it did not.

00:26:34:24 - 00:26:57:27
Unknown
Oh, no. But and I felt like he had like a TV, like on the on the back of the door in the back. It was weird. It was like a whole weird set up. And I instantly blocked him no. Don't know. Send me those types of pictures. Yeah. I feel like that's so like, that is a turn off for sure.

00:26:57:27 - 00:27:14:28
Unknown
For sure. It's like, why or why would you send me that? Gross. Why would you send me that? Exactly. Do you think I want to see? I don't. So yeah, tell you now. So backgrounds are very important on day to date and profile. I could definitely imagine. What else would you say no to no. Two? No, no, no, no, no teeth.

00:27:14:28 - 00:27:41:05
Unknown
Nota a crazy looking background and um hmm. Maybe no to like. Does it say if they have five kids? Yes. So some people would would put kids are no kids or they might mention it in their profile. Okay. If they were to say, I would say no more than like a certain amount. And we look looking back, I don't think people usually say how much, how much do you do you have a lot.

00:27:41:05 - 00:28:08:26
Unknown
That'd be kind of like, I don't know about that. I know it's kind of hard. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I would say no to that. I would say another thing sometimes I think a little bit is when they say they want kids. Oh, yes. I don't really think I want any more kids. Yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah. Yep. And after a certain age, um, like if they're, if they're maybe a two years younger than me and they say that they want, they want kids and they don't have any sometimes and they swiped yes on me.

00:28:08:26 - 00:28:28:14
Unknown
Sometimes I say no because I feel like that's going to be a conversation later on if the relationship gets. Yeah. Deeper. Right. And I don't really think I want any. Yeah. Kids that or I don't know this would probably be I guess if you sort of talking after but like if you live like who do you live with yes.

00:28:28:25 - 00:28:50:14
Unknown
Like who do you live. Yeah. They don't say that in the profile but that that's something too that I consider questions. Questions. Yes. You know, I'm I'm nosy like that. Have you okay. So and there's some some people that I through text and stuff, we talk really good and then when I hear their voices to turn off, oh, no, oh, no.

00:28:50:14 - 00:29:14:08
Unknown
Because they're like high then it's like, oh, yeah. Yes. So things I would say yes to would be of course, if it says they want a serious relationship, okay. If their pictures really tell like a super nice story, like it's not just you. Maybe you have pictures of your friends in there. Yes. You have pictures of you traveling.

00:29:14:25 - 00:29:39:05
Unknown
Um, yes. And then also that your, your profile has depth information. So some some people, some guys, they really take time to fill out, like all the questions. Oh, good. I think that that's a that's a turn on. Yeah. Because that shows me you're serious. Yes. You don't miss anything. Exactly. Yes. Because, you know, you really want to find, you know, someone.

00:29:39:05 - 00:29:57:18
Unknown
Yeah. That, I guess, like your profile. And there are some guys who don't have anything at all. Like, they want one word responses, which is not good. Yeah, I know. I don't I don't really like that. I feel like when they are probably like that, maybe they don't really know how to keep up a conversation. Um, that's important to know how to do.

00:29:57:19 - 00:30:19:03
Unknown
Yeah, a lot of people don't. Uh huh. You'd be surprised. Yeah. And then you're the only one that's like. And it's like, okay, exactly. You know? Yeah. Don't want to feel like they're talking that much all the time. Yes. You got to ask me things. Another thing is political. Oh, depending on what you say. I don't. I so I know.

00:30:19:03 - 00:30:43:08
Unknown
Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, people can tell I'm liberal sometimes. Sometimes that can totally be a dealbreaker. Yes. Yeah. And think about that. Yeah. If if you have stuff that kind of implies that you're very conservative, it's an instant no for me. I don't mind a little conservative if you like, all the way. Yeah, yeah.

00:30:43:09 - 00:31:07:03
Unknown
All the way over there and trying to do it a lot about religion. Yes. That's if so before I used to be like, I definitely want to be with a Christian, and I still do, but I will consider other religions okay. But I'm not going to consider atheists. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. If you're atheist, then I'm not. It's a no.

00:31:07:10 - 00:31:30:23
Unknown
Yeah, I would feel weird. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. I'm sure there's amazing people who are atheists, but it's just not my morals. My values just will not align. Right? And I always say, like, I am not in the business of trying to convince anybody anything, okay? I do not have time for that. I'm not trying to change your mind okay?

00:31:31:02 - 00:31:49:28
Unknown
And you won't. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, it's best to just meet somebody where where you want to be at already. You guys are on the same page then nobody has said do that. Exactly. So I feel like dating apps, you know, they can be good. Yeah. Or establish an at least a base. Okay. Yeah, this person's a Christian.

00:31:50:08 - 00:32:12:09
Unknown
Their age. Um, would you date someone who was like, a woman before thinking, now, you know, they're a man? I really do like this.

00:32:17:18 - 00:32:48:14
Unknown
Um, because some people do put that on their date and stuff like that. I used to be a woman. I used to be a woman. I don't know the correct. I don't know. You know, I mean, I. I listen, I wouldn't. Yes, but I can't say that I wouldn't welcome a good conversation with anyone. Of course, you know, because you don't you never know.

00:32:48:21 - 00:33:12:16
Unknown
Once you start talking to people, then sometimes you know what I mean? But I would want to know, like, how that came to be. You know, I'd be curious about that journey for sure, you know, but, you know, so. So say they have, like, the male genitalia. Now, that is listen, I'd be more focused on, like, how did how did that go?

00:33:13:07 - 00:33:34:20
Unknown
You know, I don't think it will be my preference. That's wild. Yeah, but but again, I think everyone is cool that everyone has preferences. Yeah. And it's cool that people that you could even do that these days, you can decide like yours what I want to be right now, you know? I mean, it's true. Yeah. And then some people people search by race as well.

00:33:34:20 - 00:34:02:25
Unknown
Oh, preference. Yeah. Blacksmith. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I prefer. That's what she prefers. Oh, but I mean, I would they any would you date that when Asian guy from insecure. I remember that was dating Molly. Yeah that he was he has black energy. Well it's oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. I didn't say I'm joking, but I'm not sure.

00:34:03:17 - 00:34:23:00
Unknown
Did you do you, do you, do you say that like do you, can you clip you can you can do you want to so it's not going to show up on your profile. Okay. Well, for you personally, you can edit who seems like if more black people see your profile. Oh, so you can kind of say, I don't really want to go to another race.

00:34:23:00 - 00:34:46:02
Unknown
You just want black people. Okay, but I don't I don't do that. But I tend to gravitate more to black black men. But I'm totally open to dating yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Because, you know, like, you just you never know. Never know who's going to be the one they can be. Whatever color, really, it's it's about the energy completely.

00:34:46:18 - 00:35:12:29
Unknown
You got kind of, gee, you have it going on. You have your stuff together, you know, job. Yeah. She said the job job is important, j oh, we are. What about a career? Yes. So you had a good career. Would you date someone that has to travel a lot? Yes. Oh, yes, I will. Okay. Yeah, because I don't really want you under me all the time, right?

00:35:13:12 - 00:35:36:13
Unknown
You know, I get that. I'm totally cool with you. I'm doing it out there and, you know, okay. Yeah. Making your money because you were doing that before me. I can't. I can't change that. Right? Right. Yeah, that's true. Tinder seems to be, um. I don't know. There's a lot of them. There's Tinder. There's Hinge. Okay, there's coffee meets bagel.

00:35:36:14 - 00:36:01:25
Unknown
Oh, whoa. Coffee mix. I think that's so coffee meets bagel is a weird concept. So I think around 11 in the afternoon, you get bagels, which are new matches. Oh, I thought you meant real food. I was like, Girl, Sandy, girl. Okay, you get. You get bagels. I guess because the thought process is that's the time that you go and you might, you know, go to lunch.

00:36:02:15 - 00:36:34:14
Unknown
Or whatever, and then those matches disappear. If you don't match of them, you'll get a new set of bagels the next day. Okay. Oh, interesting. So you have, I think I have 24 hours or something like that to do it, to do that. And Bumble if you match with someone you have so the women have to talk first. Okay, so guys can swipe in like, yeah, I'm interested in this person, but the woman is the one who ultimately decides I'm not going to see them unless I swipe on them to.

00:36:34:26 - 00:36:53:27
Unknown
Oh yeah. So I guess it's supposed to make women be more in charge of the process. So they can be swiping like the guys can be swiping and swiping, but they're not going to you're not going to see them unless you swipe on them to. Oh, and then you have 24 hours to women have the 24 hours to make the first move.

00:36:54:10 - 00:37:13:02
Unknown
Okay, so a guy can be sitting there waiting and like, okay, she swiped, she said yes to me, but she's not even messaging me. And they can't message you. Oh, what? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and if you, if you don't message them within that 24 hour period they go or sometimes guys pay to extend it to be like, Hey, I'm still here.

00:37:13:13 - 00:37:41:21
Unknown
Oh my God, how cute. Yeah, yeah, I'm still here. They have like super swipes on bumble which is where if they, I think they pay the guys pay money to do that so they'll come to the top of your list. Oh, you're like, this person was really interested in you. Wow. Usually with dating apps, statistically, women get way more matches than men because I guess there's way less women on dating apps versus men.

00:37:41:21 - 00:38:01:17
Unknown
So there are more men on dating apps. So and not not to toot my own horn because I think most this happens with most women. When I go on a dating app, I probably have like a hundred matches within 24 hours. Wow. Men, they they might have like five a week. Really? Yeah. It's, it's, it's very wow. This portion of friends.

00:38:01:17 - 00:38:26:22
Unknown
Yeah. What about, what about that? What's the one match, remember is that old Match.com is one. I've never been on match. I heard that matches a little bit. I think that's not one of the cooler apps. It's not as though people still do it. Yeah, okay. Okay. That's interesting. Yeah. There's quite, quite a bit to come up with our own app.

00:38:26:25 - 00:38:49:23
Unknown
I know. I don't know how, but we'll think about it. That's fun. Exactly. Back to the Tinder Swindler You know, you just got to be mindful because these men out here, some of them are now who they say they are or the women. Yep. So we were looking also, I like red flags because I saw this thing on and I read it right here.

00:38:49:23 - 00:39:14:24
Unknown
Yeah. I thought that this is cool. They said tinder swindler red flags, a.k.a a red flags in general, but moves quickly before getting to know you. And that's a huge I think. Yes. Red flag. That's basically love bombing it is love bombing. Yeah. I think normal relationships have a steadiness and a slowness to it. Someone's trying to do too much, too fast.

00:39:15:05 - 00:39:39:02
Unknown
Pay attention. Pay attention is a little odd, especially with the money stuff. Don't don't just be asking you for money. Speaking of so the running theme with the victims of the of of the documentary. Yeah. Were they were their stance was more of like they wanted to save him. Yes. I don't know what sob story he gave so much of it getting beat up.

00:39:39:07 - 00:39:53:02
Unknown
The whole beat up stuff. Yeah. And my enemies and all this kind of stuff, it's like, who are your enemies? You know what I mean? Who are you? You're not like, who do you think you really are? Not Tupac. Who are you? There you are. It was so weird how they like, none of them seem to ask. Well, so who are your enemies?

00:39:53:02 - 00:40:11:19
Unknown
Who are your enemies? Like, what's going on? They wanted to save him, so they were like, oh, you know, he's coming to me and I can help him. Why do women do that? I don't know. That whole save save you mentality. I don't. I, I know they want to fix you. Want to save you because women are nurturing.

00:40:11:19 - 00:40:33:28
Unknown
Yeah, I don't know. Do I feel like men? Do you think men want to save women? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, but but. But, you know, certain men and women. Yeah. That kind of feel like that they want to fix you. They want it. Yeah. And all of them, they were like, yeah, we just wanted to help him. And it's like, if his family is is in diamonds, he should not need to be coming to you.

00:40:34:14 - 00:40:56:28
Unknown
That's the thing. They call your dad. Exactly. What are you talking about? Like, the logic. I feel like because they were so swept into it, they lost all logic. How do how soon do you think it should be before? Do you actually me back backup? Do you think it's important to meet his parents? Yeah. Win with a win win, don't you think?

00:40:57:09 - 00:41:22:20
Unknown
I would say if once you get serious, I think that's when you have to start intertwining your your friends, your family. Okay. If I met them, that's a red flag. So red flags. Yeah. Yeah, total red flag. Yeah. And even some for me, sometimes I want my friends or even like my mom to meet them before I get serious because I want to get their opinion yeah.

00:41:23:02 - 00:41:41:17
Unknown
You know, they'll tell you, like, oh, I don't know if I had, you know, something's off. I don't know, but. Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. Yeah. Wouldn't do a. Do you think that you agree that that's that's one around the time or where do you think you should meet? I mean, I, I would definitely ask, right. Away.

00:41:42:00 - 00:42:04:17
Unknown
That would probably be one of my first questions talking to, to that person. Like, what's your relationship with your parents? Yeah. Yes. What's there? Yes. I want to know. And then I'll want to see that, you know, maybe, you know, a little bit down the line. Yeah, not too far. And I'm sure if you're if you're hanging out with them a lot, you should at least hear a phone call um, they should be like, Oh, yeah, here's my girlfriend something, dude.

00:42:04:17 - 00:42:31:13
Unknown
A little face time. Yeah. Has to be something, you know, and none of them his, his family, because he had none of his family. No, he just had those, those Photoshopped pictures, Photoshop pictures. Oh. Later in the tender swindler, the journalist went to see where he came from, and he came pretty much from poverty. Yeah, he did. And his mother was there, and it looked like his sister or something was was behind the door.

00:42:32:06 - 00:42:54:24
Unknown
And his mother was like, no, he uses different names. And we haven't seen him in such a long time. And it's like you didn't even like, get your family out of that. I was thinking the same thing, like, you are this low boy. Yeah. He spent all these people's money in his family is still in poverty. Yeah. He probably blames them for, you know, why he even has to do this, why you and I should be, you know?

00:42:54:26 - 00:43:09:14
Unknown
Well, he's so smart. He could have just gotten a regular job. He could have. And I feel like now his head is probably bigger than ever. Oh, yeah. Because, yeah, sure. Girls are probably like you. I bet you there are some weird, strange girls still trying to get with the guy. Like. Like, I don't believe them. I know.

00:43:09:14 - 00:43:31:20
Unknown
Yeah. Take my money. Oh, it's like. Oh, no. I don't know what they didn't comment on. I was curious. What what was the sex like? I wanted to know. I know. It had to be amazing for all to be doing this. It had to be amazing. Or they just acted like it was amazing because they wanted that lifestyle, that that luxurious private jets, you know, you'll be like, oh, great.

00:43:31:20 - 00:43:52:22
Unknown
But I don't know. Yeah, well, you know, the one who was his friend, her profile looked as though she was kind of living a lavish lifestyle. But then when he asked her for money, I was surprised that she didn't have because she made it seem as though she had money. Yeah. In her profile. Yeah, well, she she had to, like, take out loans.

00:43:53:02 - 00:44:16:01
Unknown
She did. She did. So it looked as though she was her persona was that she had this lifestyle, but she really didn't, which is very similar because he he was doing the same thing. Yeah. But obviously she wasn't taking other people's stuff. People front a lot on social media. You see, sometimes I'm like, listen, don't be fooled. I know by the rocks that I got, that's okay.

00:44:17:00 - 00:44:43:12
Unknown
I'm still I didn't see that yes, but it's true. It's true. It's true. But so yes, that is that is most definitely a red flag, that lavish lifestyle sometimes it doesn't always check out like the extravagant. Yeah. Elaborate story. Yeah. Talks of the future and commitment. We found weeks again. They just met you. There's doesn't make sense to me.

00:44:43:27 - 00:45:07:15
Unknown
Doesn't make sense. That's weird. Super weird. It's very. But I fit. I felt like that's how he kind of. Yeah, I mean, you know, it is love bombing. It's love. Love bombing is big. It's a it's a big deal. It is. And I think sometimes people don't even realize that they're doing it. But you think so sometimes sometimes you just want to be loved so much, you might just do it or not be so, like, conscious that you're doing it.

00:45:07:15 - 00:45:30:28
Unknown
May be, but I don't know. I just know sometimes people, like, are just like like that, and they've always been like that, so they don't know any different. But I feel like if you know that you're not going to follow through with those promises, like if you realize that you've been saying these things to women are men, whoever it is, and you're not following through with those promises, I feel like you're doing it on purpose.

00:45:30:28 - 00:45:57:27
Unknown
Don't be. Yeah, because I'm like, yeah, I don't know. I feel like they they know. They know subconsciously. Yeah. How that their loved one and it's because they're not following through with these promises. But then some of those same people, they make up excuses on why things didn't work and they blame the other person. I wasn't able to show her or him why I couldn't do these things because they did this and this and this to me.

00:45:58:17 - 00:46:23:10
Unknown
True. Because they're victims. Oh, man. Yeah, that's rough, boy. And the next red flag is makes promises right away. Yeah. Again, that's that's suspect, huh? Creates a sense of urgency. That makes you want to take care of them. I don't like that. No, I don't want to. Because you feel pressure. Yeah, there should be none of that. I felt that recently with a friend.

00:46:23:10 - 00:46:48:17
Unknown
Really? Recently, but within the last couple of months. Really? Yeah. Yeah, we're. They they asked me to do something, and mind you, we were, we've been friends for a bit, but the friendship got deeper. I would say, like, maybe last year to this year. Okay. And I felt like very close within the deeper parts of the friendship, they were asking me for stuff and telling me things.

00:46:48:17 - 00:47:02:24
Unknown
And then I started to feel bad and then I felt like they would, like, call me and be like, hey, you know, can you help me with this? Can you help me with that? And because I was like, oh, this is a nice person. And I want to help them out. And they're just going through a rough time.

00:47:03:03 - 00:47:24:18
Unknown
Yeah. Like, to me, there was like a sense of urgency, right? That I felt and it was like they would call me back to back. Oh, no. Yeah. So then I was like, Hey, this is are you okay? Okay, like, what's going on? I'm like, I'm at work. Yeah, what's up? And then they'll be like, Oh, call me when you, when you're finished with your meeting or whatever.

00:47:24:18 - 00:47:39:29
Unknown
And so I feel, I don't know, I don't like that. I know, but I didn't realize it when it was happening. And it's almost like they do it, like as a distraction, you know what I mean? Like, you're distracted thinking, like, Oh, are you okay? You're not thinking, like, outside of it. Like, why are you even rushing me like that?

00:47:40:08 - 00:48:02:03
Unknown
Yeah. Like, yeah, that's, you know, it's not normal. It's not normal. If you don't have an emergency, don't do that. But but for him, he was trying to make me feel as though it was an emergency to do what he wanted me to do, what he wanted me to do. Yeah, but I think that when when that happened, because it had happened before, and I and I did it.

00:48:02:16 - 00:48:23:17
Unknown
But when that one happened and I messaged him and I said, hey, I'm out of my mind and it's everything okay. And then he sent me some things. Like, he said, I don't I'm trying not to be too specific. Yeah, but he sent me some things to, like, show that he didn't have what he wanted. And my response was, I see.

00:48:25:01 - 00:48:49:05
Unknown
But he didn't ask for it, but he sent me stuff to kind of imply it's a kind of for me to be like, Okay, I'll help you. Right? But because I had caught on to it before, huh? And because I've been in a relationship before when those things happened and my knew wasn't like we were in relation were friends in this, in this instance, but it was almost like he was he wanted me to be like, Yeah, okay, I'll help you.

00:48:50:00 - 00:49:10:00
Unknown
But I was like, Okay, I see. And did you hear anything else after that? He didn't say anything else. About about that after that, really? I think he was expecting me to be like, Okay, how can I help you? You know what I mean? It's like, what do you think I am? I don't know. I it's weird that people do that because I don't I have a hard time asking people for stuff.

00:49:10:00 - 00:49:29:29
Unknown
Yeah, I would do. Yeah. So it's odd to me when people when people do that and then I remembered I remembered having like a sense of urgency about it because I was like, why is this person calling me all the time anyway? They texting and holding up my phone, and it wasn't a genuine reason it wasn't it wasn't anything that was, you know, it's like it's an okay.

00:49:29:29 - 00:49:50:18
Unknown
So it's almost like a mix of stuff. So they talk to you about personal stuff. They talk to you they talk to you about your life and whatnot, and they appear supportive and they appear to be individuals that really are interested in you. Right? But then the next day you'll get, hey, you know, can you help me out with this?

00:49:50:18 - 00:50:08:24
Unknown
The real motive reveals itself exactly but it's like a sandwich. So you have that portion and then you have to ask and then then you give it. Yeah. And then you go it goes back together. So, you know, how's the house? How's your son or how's this Right. Right. You know what? What happened to that situation? You know, like like they care.

00:50:08:24 - 00:50:26:24
Unknown
Like they care. But then they they really don't know. They got 11 agenda one thing to take. I don't like that. I don't either. I would be so frustrated. That's how you you could be sure that I will never talk to you again. If I sent some stuff like that. Boy, that's true. Cut you off so fast. That's true.

00:50:26:25 - 00:50:44:04
Unknown
Well, the thing I am good at is cutting people. Oh, yeah? What is it? That's not really a good thing. No, I think it. I think it's okay. It works to my advantage sometimes. That's. That's normal. I think that that's fine. You got to protect your energy. You really do. Because if not, people will take, take, take, take, take.

00:50:44:04 - 00:51:09:11
Unknown
Boy, you know, you want to keep people around you that. That that keep you charged and energized, not drain and take all your resources like. No. And remember, you use things and not people use things. Yeah. Do not use people. Right? If you realize that you're being used just remove yourself yourself. And also, if you realize that you're using people, that's not a good thing.

00:51:09:11 - 00:51:28:16
Unknown
It doesn't make people feel good inside. I know. I know it doesn't. That's sucky. Try to figure out what you need to figure out before you go asking people. Yeah. So guys, this is going to be a two parter. So next week y'all will then. Yeah, next week you'll see part two of Dayton. Yes. And we hope that you like it.

00:51:28:17 - 00:51:51:00
Unknown
Be safe out there. Be smart be smart, but be you. Okay? But don't make sure that you doesn't get you in trouble. But yeah, guys, follow us at Queens of a Feather podcast. Go on Facebook, queens or Feather, you queens or Feather. And remember the challenge that we said, okay, don't forget it. We challenge you, we challenge you.

00:51:51:08 - 00:52:11:10
Unknown
To and to people. And if you do it and you tell us, well, we will send you some Cheetos yes. Yeah, absolutely. Why not? You know what? We're not. We'll bring you the Cheetos. Some Cheetos. Okay. All right, let us know but. Yeah, word of mouth. Work your mouth, people.

00:52:13:26 - 00:52:43:25
Unknown
Word of mouth. Your mouth. Okay. Okay. Bye bye, guys. It's going to be interesting to find and to get a lot to get you to follow this trend and show you where it is. So it's so fantastic. Step back and come back and take it easy to maintain

** MUSIC **